


Disappearing Act

by kathiplier



Category: mark fischbach - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute, Eventual Smut, F/M, Felix Kjellburg - Freeform, Fluff, Human Mark Fischbach, I'm Sorry, Mark Fischbach - Freeform, Markiplier - Freeform, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Original Fiction, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Original Female Character, Plot Twists, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Smut, Swearing, Tags Contain Spoilers, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2020-09-30 23:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20455139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathiplier/pseuds/kathiplier
Summary: Stories always have a beginning, middle, and end.  Your story with Mark began in high school, and you thought it would last forever.Then he leaves for LA.





	1. Prologue

It’s always the people you grow up with. The people you’ve been friends with forever. The ones you always pinkie-promised “Best friends forever!” with when you were in sixth grade.

Those are the ones who promise to stay in touch when they blow up online and move to Los Angeles.

And those are the ones who never speak to you again after that.

Leaving you alone, floundering around in Cincinnati, broken-hearted and lost. Essentially acting like you never even existed.

Pulling a disappearing act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! i know i said this wouldn't be up for a while, but i got excited and posted it anyway. updates will be slow, but they will happen! enjoy!


	2. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark graduate high school together, leaving you on cloud nine.

(Y/N’s POV)

“Jesus, y/n,” my mother breathed. “You spent $300 on a graduation dress that nobody besides the people who show up to your open house are even gonna see?”

I shrugged sheepishly. “It’s really pretty. Plus I can wear it more than once, it’s not like it’s a prom dress.”

Mom nodded. “At least you’re not an impulse buyer.”

I laughed at that.

My best friend Lydia stood at the door to look at the both of us. “Both of you are weird,” she said with a laugh. 

My mom put Lydia in a headlock and gave her a noogie as Lydia shrieked in laughter. Lydia and I had been friends since kindergarten, she was practically my sister anyway.

“Mark’s going to love that dress though,” Lydia remarked, and Mom chuckled as she saw herself out.

I rolled my eyes, willing myself to not blush. Mark and I had been inseparable since the sixth grade, but we’d never been more than just friends.

“You do like him, don’t you?” Lydia pressed. I rolled my eyes but reluctantly nodded.

“And you’re not making a move, because--?”

I sighed. “He’s started to get really popular on YouTube lately. He’s talking about moving out to LA after graduation. I don’t want to try to start anything if he’s just going to up and leave everything behind.”

Lydia nodded. “I can’t blame you, girl. But his plans aren’t concrete, you know. He hasn’t even started looking at apartments or anything.”

“I know. But I still don’t want to get in the way of whatever it is he’s doing. He could turn this into a pretty good career.”

Lydia shrugged. “I suppose. At least Bear will be closer than Los Angeles. He’s still headed for that medical degree at Yale.”

Bear, Lydia’s boyfriend, stood at a towering height of 6’6” and was one of eight black seniors in our graduating class. He’d been accepted at Yale with a full tuition scholarship, and while I was proud of him, and I knew Lydia was proud of him, both of us would miss him. Lydia would miss him for the obvious reasons, but I’d always considered him a good friend. I’d never felt like a third wheel with the two of them, and when we added Mark to the mix it was practically a party.

I, on the other hand, was on track for the University of Cincinnati, preparing myself for a double major, in journalism and graphic arts. 

And Mark? He’d seemingly ditched his dreams of engineering once his YouTube channel had kicked off. And even though he hadn’t quite hit a million subscribers, the count was growing every day.

My mom knocked on the door again a few minutes later. “You girls ready to go?”

Lydia and I both said we were, and my mother guided us out to the car, gushing about how we’d grown up so quickly and how she’d miss both of us so much when we left. I wasn’t even going to be an hour away when I left for college, but Lydia? She was joining the Navy, and she was preparing to ship out three weeks after graduation.

We talked about our childhood the entire twenty-minute ride to the school, wondering how we’d make it to the stage without tripping and falling.

And then we did.

(Mark’s POV)

“You’re at 950,000 subscribers, Mark!” Bob said excitedly. I smiled eagerly, even as I was putting on my dress clothes. Graduation couldn’t have come soon enough.

“Are you dressing up for y/n?” Bob asked knowingly, even though I ignored him.

“Shut up,” I grumbled. “She doesn’t even like me back.”

“That’s bullshit,” Bob retorted. “Have you ever even seen the way she looks at you?”

“Bob, I’m moving to L.A. in like three weeks,” I snapped. “I can’t get into anything with a girl who doesn’t even like me that way.”

“You’re moving to L.A. for a career you aren’t even sure will take off?” Bob asked, folding his arms. “I still don’t think that’s a good idea. Like, yeah, you’re booming now, but what happens if your channel completely flops and dies six months after you move out there? You’ll be stuck in one of the most expensive cities in the United States, with nothing to live on.”

I rolled my eyes. I knew Bob only wanted what was best for me, but I had a good feeling about this. Besides, my mom would always let me come home and go back to college if my channel did indeed die.

“I’ll be fine, Bob. Just let me try this, alright?”

He sighed, straightening out his own bowtie before we joined our respective mothers in the kitchen. Once we were all squished into Bob’s mom’s minivan, all we could talk about was whether or not we’d walk across stage normally, or goofily, like we knew some of the student body was expecting. Finally, after much debate (and warnings from our mothers), we decided we’d walk across normally.

And then we did.

(Y/N’s POV)

After the graduation ceremony finally ended, Lydia and Bear and I met up with Mark, Bob, and Tyler in the parking lot. All of the parents involved had headed home, after teary hugs and lots of flowers and even more photos. We’d gotten permission (and were using Tyler’s car) to go to IHOP to celebrate on our own, and I couldn’t wait.

Of course, everyone around the two of us made it so Mark and I ended up sitting next to each other, which was nice, but also extremely embarrassing. Tyler at least sat next to me in IHOP, but I could feel Mark’s eyes on me the whole time.

When Tyler dropped me off at my house well after 2 AM, Mark got out of the car after me and insisted we needed to talk.

“Can’t it wait until the morning?” I whined, yawning deeply. “I’m tired.”

“Not really,” Mark said insistently. “You’re one of my best friends, and you’re my longest friend, and I felt like you deserved to know this first.”

I rubbed at my eyes, willing myself to be more awake.

“I’m moving,” he blurted. “To L.A. In three weeks. I’ve got the apartment and I’ve paid for a six-month lease.”

I stood and stared. I wanted to pinch myself. I was insanely tired, so it could’ve made sense that I was dreaming.

So I pinched myself. And it hurt. Which obviously meant I wasn’t dreaming.

I stayed silent for way too long, attempting to blink back the tears that I could feel forming. “You’re going to move two thousand miles away?” I asked finally, my voice cracking. “You’re going to just leave our group of friends behind?”

“Y/N, please, I’m not going to abandon you,” he pleaded. “This is for me, to be on my own and grow my YouTube channel, it’ll be a great thing for me.”

I sniffled, backing away from him to head back inside. “I think you should go home, Mark,” I said, trying to ignore the pain in my chest as clear hurt flashed through his eyes. “We’ll talk about this later.”

He shook his head, deciding against responding as he turned and went back to Tyler’s car. I waved as the car left, before making my way inside and upstairs to my bedroom.

He was actually going to move almost twenty-two hundred miles away. 

And I had no idea what I was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really can't wait for this story to pick up and get started. i'm hoping i can finish this one quicker than i did the last one.
> 
> i hope you enjoy it!!!
> 
> IMPORTANT: THE CHAPTERS FOR THIS STORY WILL BE SHORTER THAN THEY WERE FOR STRANGER DANGER. also, this is NOT a sequel to that story. i realized my goal of 2,500 words was a little unrealistic, and it's even more so now that i'm starting college classes. so i'm shooting for substance rather than amount. quality over quantity, u know?


	3. Graduation Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You, Mark, and your friend group throw a going-away party for Mark.

(Y/N's POV)

The next two weeks went by so quickly they made my head spin. I got my official diploma frame in the mail, I went to a graduation party for Mark, Tyler, Bob, Lydia, and Bear, all respectively, and held my own. Mine was the best attended, and I don’t like to brag, but the fact that I was Homecoming Queen and Prom Queen might’ve had something to do with it.

But now, it was a week before Mark was going to move, and he was holding a giant sleepover, basically, as his way of saying goodbye to our group of friends. He spared nearly no expense, and invited everyone in our group. Tyler even brought his girlfriend Olivia along. Lydia and I loved Olivia, but she went to a different high school and we couldn’t see her very often.

It ended up being the six of us, Lydia, Olivia, Tyler, Bob, Mark, and me. Bear couldn’t make it, he’d been whisked off on a family vacation that his attendance was “mandatory” for, since his mother was all worked up about her “baby” going off to college. That didn’t make the realization that this was our goodbye to Mark any less pronounced.

We’d been playing Prop Hunt, three on three, for a good while before the doorbell rang. “That’s gonna be the strippers,” Tyler said with a laugh, and Mark slugged him before getting up to answer the door, which turned out to actually the pizza guy arriving with six pizzas. Six pizzas, for six people.

We pooled our money to pay the bill, plus a $10 tip for the poor guy who had to stagger up the walk with six large pizzas in his hands. Then we returned to the game, except Mark pulled me aside while everyone was walking back into the living room with their pizza.

“Look,” he breathed, “I know we left it kinda badly last time, and I wanted to apologize for springing it on you like that. You deserved a better revelation.”

I sighed. “Mark, I don’t really know what you want me to say. I get it, you want to start a new chapter of your life in a different way. I just don’t want to get left behind and buried in your past, before you made it big.”

He nodded. “I’m not gonna do that, not to you. I—you’re my best friend, y/n, you know that. I couldn’t possibly hurt you that way. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

I knew what he meant. I’d been there for him the day his dad had died, just a week after our junior year had ended. He’d been an absolute wreck for days, and I was so worried about him that I slept at his house for a week straight to make sure he wouldn’t do anything to hurt himself. And he’d been there for me the day I’d lost my cousin to suicide, and he actually kept me at his house for two weeks, as she’d lived next door to my family and had been found in their backyard, and he didn’t want me to have to see that for as long as possible.

“I know, Mark,” I said, hopefully sounding reassuring. “I’ll just miss you, I guess. That’s all.”

He nodded, with a slight smile. “I’ll miss you too, you know.”

I smiled back at him. “Sure is a shame I can’t drop everything and move to California, isn’t it?”

Mark laughed. “It’s a damn shame, is what it is.”

We looked at each other for a moment, and before I realized what was happening, Mark leaned in and kissed me. We stayed that way for a moment, his hands resting on my sides. When he pulled away, he sighed contentedly and kissed my forehead. 

“Thanks for that,” he said absentmindedly. “I don’t know if you feel the same way or not, but I felt like that was something I should get out of the way before I left.”

I didn’t respond, I just pulled him back in and kissed him again. His hands snaked around my back, pulling me farther into him as we continued to make out, pretty aggressively. He probably would’ve tried to take it farther, but people started calling our names from the living room, and we had to return to reality (and the living room).

Mark and I made subtle eye contact for the rest of the night, and we ended up talking well after the rest of our group fell asleep. Tyler and Bob were sacked out on the floor, and Lydia and Olivia were sharing the couch bed. Mark and I were sat up on the futon across the room, sharing a blanket.

We talked about our futures, about how we’d kissed, about college and YouTube and what Mark wanted to do with his growing popularity.

“I think I can use it to help people,” he’d said. “If I earn enough money off of it, I mean. I can give back to charity, I can work with charities, it’ll be a really good opportunity for me.”

I’d nodded, yawning, before glancing at the clock for the first time in forever. “Mark, it’s 4:30 AM,” I said quietly. “If I don’t get at least some sleep, I’m gonna be a massive bitch in the morning.”

“Understandable,” Mark said with a chuckle, leaning over and kissing my forehead once more. “Go to sleep, beautiful, we can talk in the morning or whenever you like.”

None of us opened our eyes until 1:30 that afternoon, with Tyler being the first person to wake up. He must’ve just minded his own business, because when the last of us were finally awake around 2, he grinned and said, “Let’s make pancakes.”

So we did. We pulled up a recipe and set to work, doubling the recipe (since there were three eighteen-year-old boys ready to eat, too). We ended up with fifty-six pancakes (even though the doubled recipe was only supposed to make around thirty), and every single one of them was eaten.

We spent the rest of the day driving aimlessly around Cincinnati, stopping only for gas and McDonald’s on the drive home. Mark dropped everyone off at their respective homes, hugging them tightly and wishing tearful goodbyes. He dropped me off last, and our goodbye definitely had the most tears.

“Y/N, I’ll call, I’ll text, I’ll email, I promise I’ll keep in touch,” he said, both hands on each side of my face. “I’ll be back for holidays too. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

I laughed, even though tears were streaming down my face. “I know, Mark. Just don’t forget about me.”

“Me? Forget about you?” he asked dubiously. “Never. I could never forget a girl I’ve been so hopelessly into for so long.”

I looked up at him. “Kiss me goodbye?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” he breathed, before giving me one of the most loving, passionate kisses I’d ever received in my life.

“I love you, y/n,” he said as he walked back to his car. “I’ll never forget about you!”

I waved as I watched his car drive away.

I sure wish I’d known those would be the last words I’d ever get from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go! classes start on tuesday for me so don't expect updates this quickly from here on out. love u tho!


	4. Abandoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's three years later. You call Mark.

THREE YEARS LATER

(Y/N’s POV)

I was two weeks away from taking the final exams of my junior year of college. Mark and I hadn’t spoken since that night we’d cried over saying goodbye three years ago. I’d called, I’d texted, I’d emailed, but not a single reply. I’d tried to keep up with him on YouTube, but after about six months of his blatantly ignoring me, it got too painful to even watch his videos. I hadn’t heard anything about a girlfriend though, so for whatever reason, I still held out hope for us.

Tyler had ended up moving out to LA, and while we still kept in touch with him, I begged Tyler to not bring me up to Mark. I didn’t want to hear anything about Mark brushing me off, again. Olivia had joined him briefly, but after Tyler discovered her multiple side pieces, she’d moved off to Florida and we hadn’t heard from her or seen her since.

Lydia and Bear were still going strong, and Bear had actually just proposed to Lydia. I’d seen Lydia more than Bear had, and that was saying a lot, since I’d seen her a total of six times in three years. The Navy kept her on her toes, and since she’d signed on for six years of active duty and only two years of reserve, she was kinda bound to their timeline until she received a discharge.

Bob had stayed in Cincinnati, and he’d met a lovely girl named Mandy. They’d been together about a year, and I saw the two of them often.

As for me? I’d kept up in my studies, and with my paid internship for Animatink, a graphic design company forty minutes from my house, I was pretty well on my way to landing the job as Junior Visual Designer in the television department once I graduated, provided I kept my 3.6 GPA.

I had no idea about Mark, to be perfectly honest. I knew he’d hit ten million subscribers a few months before, but beyond that, I knew nothing.

Until the night I broke.

It was a fairly cold April night, and I’d just gotten back from the worst first date I’d ever been on. The guy had talked throughout pretty much the entire movie, had demanded to go through my phone (and then gotten irrationally angry when I didn’t let him), and told me at the end of the night that he hoped to see me again after I lost some weight. I had flipped him off and stormed into my room, grateful my roommate Sydney wasn’t there to see my ugly crying.

I opened my laptop and crawled under the blankets in my bed, searching up his latest video. I was shocked when the thumbnail came up, showing Mark with longer, bright pink hair. I clicked on it, watching almost his entire playthrough before realizing he was streaming live. So I clicked on that, and watched where it picked up, watching as he and his pink hair played through various little games, stopping every now and then to talk about the games themselves.

I grabbed my phone, opening it to his contact and hovering over the call button. I wanted to see what would happen.

I waited for about ten seconds, before he stopped playing his game again, and clicked call.

It rang for a few seconds, and I heard Mark’s phone go off in the video. I watched his expression change from slight annoyance (probably at the fact that he’d forgotten to turn the ringer off) to confusion, then realization as he saw who was calling. I hadn’t made an effort to reach out to him in two and a half years. I’d stopped after he hadn’t replied to a single text, call or email after six months of being in LA. I held my breath and watched…as he hit 'decline' and apologized to the viewers.

Tears filled my eyes all over again. First a shitty date, then a shitty decision, one I _knew_ was shitty, but I’d held out hope that somewhere in there was the old Mark I’d known and grown to love, but it was apparent he no longer cared about the girl he’d been best friends with for six years. He now decided it was appropriate to abandon one of the only people who’d stayed by his side when he was so devastated after his father’s passing. He’d left me.

He promised he wouldn’t forget about me.

He probably hadn’t forgotten.

Just left me behind.

I woke up hours later, not even realizing I’d fallen asleep. It was 3:08 in the morning, and as I picked up my phone I realized what I’d missed.

It was only midnight in LA where Mark was, which was evident as texts from him were still coming in, the first one having arrived around 1 AM my time, and they were intermittent, but they hadn’t stopped yet. He’d also called three times, but as I almost never had my phone off silent, they hadn’t woken me up.

**Mark, 1:02 AM: Y/N, I’m so sorry.**

**Mark, 1:15 AM: I fucked up, big time. I’m sorry.**

**Mark, 1:37 AM: I can explain, I swear.**

**Mark, 1:38 AM: well, maybe I can’t explain, but I have to make it up to you.**

**Mark, 1:42 AM: Please, y/n, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I broke my promise to you, and I know it was insanely stupid of me to do that.**

**Mark, 1:57 AM: Please, please, please, answer me.**

**Mark, 2:18 AM: MISSED CALL**

**Mark, 2:28 AM: MISSED CALL**

**Mark, 2:40 AM: MISSED CALL**

**Mark, 2:45 AM: I left behind the best girl in my life, and I know it. I won’t blame you if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, but goddamn do I want to talk to you. Please, at least let me know you’re okay and nothing’s happened to you or your mom. Or Lydia.**

**Mark, 2:52 AM: Please, all I need is one word.**

**Mark, 2:53 AM: I’m sorry I ignored your call. I couldn’t talk to you, not after everything I did.**

**Mark, 2:57 AM: I’m sorry.**

**Mark, 3:06 AM: i’ll leave you alone for now. i’m sorry.**

He didn’t have to worry about my feelings. I was almost mad at him for thinking he was allowed to, after such a long time of ignoring me and abandoning me. Every one of my friends had left Cincinnati, save for maybe Bob. I’d been left alone, in a huge city, at a school where I knew no one, and he thought he’d be able to swoop in and save the day all over again. I had no idea what had happened to him, and for whatever reason, he thought he could just waltz back into my life after being so painfully absent for three years.

I shut my eyes as another text came through, and, against my better judgement, I opened my eyes to see that one too.

**Mark, 3:12 AM: i miss you.**

That was a good one. He missed me.

Guess he didn’t think about other people anymore. It didn’t matter that I’d missed him for three years. It only mattered that he missed me now.

Before I could even fumble for the off button on my phone, another call from Mark came through. I took my time in debating answering it, and instead missed it; I was hoping he’d give up after I ignored another call. But he called back almost immediately, causing me to roll my eyes. I watched as this fifth call rang through, and then when a sixth one came through, I decided to answer, if not simply to tell him to fuck off.

“Y/N?” he said quietly, his voice hoarse.

“Speaking,” I mumbled back.

“Oh my god, y/n,” he breathed out. “Thank god you picked up—did something happen? Are you okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “No. Just was watching your live stream and thought I might give my old pal a ring. But it looked like you were just a tad too busy, hmm?”

“Y/N, please,” he begged. “I never answer my phone when I’m live streaming, it’s nothing personal.”

“Guess you’ve just been live streaming twenty-four seven for the past two and a half years, then?”

I heard him sigh over the phone. “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I know it was a shitty thing to do. But—I—”

“You think you get to make excuses?” I said rather loudly, sitting up in bed. I cringed at my volume for a second before realizing my roommate wasn’t even there.

“I’m not making excuses, y/n,” he said quickly. “I met someone, when I got here. At the airport. And we hit it off really well, and I knew you’d want to start something with me, and I knew she’d be really pissed if I was talking to a girl I sort of had a thing with, so I just ignored you.”

I scoffed, feeling my eyes fill with tears. “Do you want to know why Tyler has never mentioned me to you?” I asked quietly. 

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“Because I begged him not to. I begged him to not bring me up because of this exact scenario,” I blubbered as tears streamed down my face. “I didn’t want to experience you brushing me away like I was worth nothing firsthand.”

“Y/N, it’s not like that—”

“It is exactly like that,” I snarled. “And you don’t get to try and tell me it isn’t. So you can go have fun with your little girlfriend, and forget all about me. It looks like you’ve done a pretty good job of doing that anyway.”

“Y/N, please don’t go—”

“Goodbye, Mark.”

And with that, I hung up, turned my phone off, and somehow fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. I'll try to post another chapter over the weekend. Homework is a bitch, lol.


	5. Interning, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a year later. You get an opportunity to jumpstart your career in potentially the best way possible. Everything comes with a catch, though, and this opportunity is no exception.

ONE YEAR LATER

(Y/N’S POV)

Graduation hadn’t come easy, but I’d done it. I’d finished with a 3.8 GPA, and I was on track to become a full-time junior graphic designer and Animatink, provided I nailed the interview (even though it was with a superior I’d worked with before, so I wasn’t too worried).

A week after the interview, I was called into Nicole’s office to go over ‘next steps’, as she called it.

“So we definitely want to hire you,” she said with a smile, and I could’ve squealed, but she continued. “The only problem is, you would fit best in a different branch.”

“That’s alright,” I said quickly. “Are we talking cartoons, commercials, something else?”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Nicole said. “We’re going to keep you with the Cartoon Network board. This particular branch is just…in a different location.”

I nodded slowly. “Where would this branch happen to be located?”

“Los Angeles, California.”

My heart skipped a beat. Could I really move halfway across the country, so far away from my mom?

“Are you sure there’s nothing open in, say, Chicago? Or, like, Louisville? Do you even have a Louisville branch?” I asked, blabbering on incessantly.

“Y/N, if you don’t want to take this, I understand. But we won’t have any non-intern options available much closer for quite some time,” Nicole said sympathetically. “We can give you time to think about it, though. We don’t need an answer for four days.”

I looked at her calendar, hanging behind her desk. It was Monday, which meant I could talk to my mother about it and get back to her by Friday. There were just so many pros and cons I would have to weigh before then.

“Alright, I’ll have a definite answer for you by then,” I agreed. I stood and shook her hand. “Thank you for the opportunity.”

Nicole smiled graciously. “I’ll see you then.”

My mind began flying at a hundred miles a minute the second Nicole’s office door shut behind me. I started listing all the pros first, hoping that list would be longer.

Pros: much higher pay, company-paid rent, a personal office, an opportunity to be the chief director of a brand new show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim channel. 

Cons: LA was where Mark was.

Granted, I knew it was nearly impossible that I would just, by chance, run into Mark in LA. It was a huge city, with a population of over three-point-five million people. But it still worried me.

I debated it in my head the whole way home later that evening. My mom greeted me with a smile as I walked in, and I smiled back.

“How’d the interview go, babe?” she asked as she pulled her homemade chicken tenders out of the oven.

“They want to hire me!” I said excitedly, and she gasped as she set the pan on the stove.

“Oh baby, that’s amazing!” she gushed as she ran forward to hug me. “I am so proud of you and your effort, I love you!” 

I hugged her back and waited until she let go to drop the bigger bomb. “There’s a slight catch, though, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Oh, always a catch,” she said semi-flippantly. “You know I’ll support you whatever you decide to do.”

I took a breath. “The office they want to relocate me to is in Los Angeles.”

My mother stopped and turned back to me. “Los Angeles?”

I nodded. “I’ve been weighing the pros and cons all day,” I said quickly. “I’m not going to make a decision without talking to you.”

It was pretty common knowledge for anyone who knew my family that I was pretty much the only family my mom had left. My dad had died in the line of duty in the Army when I was only eight years old, and my mom had lost pretty much all contact with his side of the family. She had been an only child, and when her parents died, she’d been left alone.

“I don’t want to just move so far away from you,” I continued. “But my boss said they don’t have any actual job openings anywhere close, and they don’t know when they will again.”

My mom sighed. “Baby, I know you feel like you’re abandoning me, but this is your career we’re talking about. This is the beginning of your life, you know? If I didn’t support you just because of the distance, what kind of mother would I be?”

My eyes filled with tears as I smiled at my mother. “I love you,” I said as I hugged her again.

“Just call me maybe once a week and visit as much as you can, and I think I’ll be alright,” she said as she hugged me back. “I love you. I just want you to be happy and do what you love.”

I pulled away from her again. “There’s one more problem.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. “What else could there possibly be?” she said jokingly.

“Mark moved to LA.”

Her smile dropped. She knew how hurt I had been when Mark dropped off the face of the earth. But she kept her composure. “Babygirl, LA has a population of four million people,” she said gently. “If you don’t seek him out, I’m sure you’ll probably never see him.”

I sighed. “I know. But I don’t know what I’d do if I did.”

“You can keep your head high and your conversations professionally civil,” my mother said matter-of-factly. “You are good enough to forgive, and smart enough to still keep him away.” 

I nodded, pulling out my phone as I pulled up Nicole’s contact. “So it’s a done deal, then? I’m moving to LA?”

“You’re chasing your dream,” my mom replied with a loving smile.

So I typed up the text and sent it.

**Me: So, when can I move?**

(Mark’s POV)

It had been a year since I’d tried talking to y/n, and I hadn’t stopped stalking her social media since. I knew she’d graduated college, but I couldn’t remember what her major was and nothing else on her feed really helped me find out what she was planning on doing. I couldn’t see any signs of a boyfriend though, so that was a slight relief.

Even though I was still head over heels for her, I knew my girlfriend of an on-and-off four years, Amy, would be none too pleased to hear how desperately in love I was with a girl I’d never even officially dated.

I sighed and closed out of her Facebook. Instagram was the only place she was really still active. Her Facebook hadn’t been updated in almost four months, and she posted on Snapchat maybe twice a month. But she posted on Instagram around once a week, and with a following of over 2,000 people, her posts usually got her around 300 to 500 likes.

I shouldn’t be this aware of her social media statuses. I had a girlfriend.

And yet, her post notifications were still on.

I rubbed a hand over my face as I got up out of bed. I sighed as I trudged to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of apple juice and a cup. I was on a YouTube hiatus, and I had slept until nearly 2 PM for almost a week straight.

Amy came into the kitchen a few minutes after me, tiredly rubbing her eyes.

“You wanna go kayaking today?” she asked, her voice tired.

I shook my head. “I’d rather not do anything today.”

She huffed. “You never want to do anything anymore. I practically have to beg you to have sex with me these days.”

I rolled my eyes. “Am I not allowed to not be in the mood?”

She folded her arms. “I thought guys were always in the mood.”

I ignored her, putting the apple juice back into the fridge and slamming the door shut. “I think you should head back to your place,” I said bluntly as I finished the juice that was still in my cup.

“Excuse me?”

“I think you should head back to your place, I’m not in the mood to get into another fight.”

“You’ve been like this since you fought with that girl from your high school,” Amy snapped. “All dark and brooding. Are you even into me anymore?”

I stared at her. “She was my best friend,” I said angrily. “I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to be upset over losing my best friend.”

“For a year?” Amy said, her tone condescending. “I’m your girlfriend, Mark. I need attention too!”

“And right now I don’t want to give it to you, you’re sort of acting like a witch,” I said. I would never call any female a bitch, but Amy was getting on my nerves.

“This hiatus is because of her, isn’t it?” she asked. “You’re all depressed over your friend and you’ve ditched YouTube and don’t care about your girlfriend’s needs because of her.”

“I pay as much attention as I can to your ‘needs’, Amy!” I burst out. “But I also have a career, I have a social life, I’m _trying_ to get myself out of this goddamn funk, and all _you’re_ doing is bitching and complaining and accusing me of being in love with my best friend!”

She huffed again, turning and heading down the hall.

She came back, dressed and with her bags in hand.

“I’m going home,” she stated, much to my non-expressed relief. “You can call me when you decide you want to be a good boyfriend.”

And with that, she left.

I couldn’t tell her that her accusations were correct. How could I balance loving my girlfriend and being in love with a girl I’d never had?

My phone rang as I finished off my apple juice, and I glanced at it to see that Bob was calling.

“What’s up?” I asked as I answered the phone.

“So, I’m sure you know by now that y/n asked Tyler never to talk about her to you, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, my heart beating faster. “Is this about y/n?”

“Yeah, but you can’t tell her I told you.”

“We’re not even talking, Bob,” I said pointedly. “You can tell me whatever, you know that.”

“Well, word through the grapevine is that y/n’s moving out to LA.”

My heart skipped approximately eighteen beats.

_“What!?”_

“Yeah, the graphic design company she’s interning for is transferring her to a permanent job out there, she’s going to be working with the animation team on some new Cartoon Network show.”

_So she kept her major in graphic design._

“When is she moving, do you know?”

“No, y/n herself just told me she’s accepting the job offer. I’d guess they’ll want her out there as soon as she can get there, though.”

“So what do I do with this information?”

“I don’t know, Mark,” Bob said with a sigh. “You were the one that wanted to reach out to her again. It’s weird to think about how we all used to be so close and then you up and fucked off to LA.”

“It was to boost my career!” I argued.

“Yeah, and now you’re going on hiatus,” Bob snapped back. “So what was your real reason?”

I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, I figured. I’ll try to keep you updated on y/n, if you want. She probably won’t want to talk to you personally.”

“That’d be nice. Thanks, Bob.”

“Yep, no problem,” he replied. “I’ll see you around.”

And without waiting for a response, he hung up.

I ran a hand through my hair as I looked around my living room. My place was a mess, and it was the biggest reason I hadn’t had anyone over to my place in a couple of months, save for Amy. She always claimed she didn’t care, but I saw her looks of disgust from time to time.

I took a shower, trying to scrub how bad I felt off of my skin, but of course, it didn’t work. I got dressed and went back out to assess how much work I would need to do to get my shit cleaned up.

Take-out boxes littered my entire living room. I was surprised I didn’t have bugs.

I grabbed a couple of trash bags and threw on my rubber gloves, nearly gagging at the smell of some of them as I shoved them into the trash bags.

Once that was finally finished, I took out my vacuum cleaner—the one I hadn’t used since I moved in, but had been given to me, brand-new.

I swept every inch of that carpet, probably four times. Once I was convinced it was presentable, I started in on my room.

I hadn’t done laundry in probably three weeks. I wasn’t sure how I still had clean underwear. I shoved all of my clothes into my laundry basket, taking them to my washer and dryer and dumping everything I could shove into one load into the washer. I knew I was “supposed” to separate lights and darks, but nothing bad had happened yet.

I left the rest of my clothes in a pile on the dryer, ready to be put in the washer whenever the first load was done. I swept my room three times over again too, before stashing the vacuum back into the closet.

I spent the next two hours cleaning. I changed my sheets, finished all my laundry, cleaned up the bathroom, and even washed all the dishes lying around in my kitchen. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders once I was done, but I felt like half of it was replaced when my phone vibrated and it was a post notification from y/n’s Instagram.

I clicked on it immediately, watching as the photo loaded.

It was a photo of boxes, broken down and flat. On the one in the middle, someone had scrawled the words “TO LA AND BEYOND” in Sharpie.

Her caption told all about her new job, and how excited she was to be moving in…three weeks???

I pulled up her phone contact, attempting to write up a text that wouldn’t sound completely stupid.

**Me: I saw your Instagram post, about moving out here? Congrats on the new job. Would you want to maybe meet for coffee?**

I sent it, but I wasn’t expecting the response I received a few moments later.

**The number you have texted has been disconnected. Please enter a valid 10-digit number to deliver this message.**

I wasn’t sure why she’d changed her phone number, but it broke my heart to pieces all the same.

Taking a breath to still the tears stinging the back of my eyes, I texted Bob instead.

**Me: Do you know why y/n changed her phone number?**

**Bob: I think there were a few reasons, but the biggest one was to get away from a guy who wouldn’t quit harassing her after she said no to a second date.**

**Bob: I also remember her saying receiving a text from you out of the blue would kill her, so I’m sure that was also a factor.**

**Bob: I won’t give you her new number without her permission. I’ll ask if you can have it if you want me to.**

I wanted to punch something. I’d hurt y/n so badly, that she had said any attempts from me to communicate would kill her. I knew she didn’t mean it literally, but knowing I could hurt her that badly (and that I had) nearly drove me to my knees.

**Me: I won’t expect a positive answer, but if you would ask I would appreciate it.**

**Bob: Alright. Good luck.**

I switched my phone off and went about making a grocery list, listing about ten items. I sighed, leaving my phone in the kitchen as I went about actually getting all my groceries, arriving to the store with a ten-item list and leaving with a shopping cart full of food.

I turned my phone back on when I got home, and four texts from Bob came in all at once.

**Bob: She said no, pretty harshly.**

**Bob: She also asked me to refrain from sharing any other details of her life with you.**

**Bob: I’m afraid I’ll have to respect her wishes.**

**Bob: You brought this on yourself, but I’m still sorry.**

I ran a hand through my hair, sitting down at my dining room table. I didn’t bother putting any of the non-perishables away and sighed. I shot Bob a text thanking him for his effort, and I went to pull up her Instagram again.

Her post had 600 likes and 80 comments. Congratulatory stuff. I figured it wouldn’t hurt for me to at least leave a comment.

**@markiplier: “Congrats on the new job, I know it’s a big step up for you. Let me know if you need anyone to help you settle into your new place** 😊”

I waited for a few hours, but no response ever came. I did get a text from Amy, but I ignored it. Shitty, I know, but I didn’t know how to handle her anymore. At least, not at this point.

I went to bed that night still confused. I wanted y/n back in my life, but I had no idea what it was going to take to accomplish that.

But I knew I was willing to do whatever it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. it was really fun to write.
> 
> I do need to point out that I in no way intend this to be hateful towards the actual Amy, nor do I want any of you to see it as such. FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS STORY ONLY, this is the character and personality I have created for her. I adore her in real life, and I think she and Mark are perfect for each other. I know Mark loves her very much, and I do not wish for this to be a portrayal of my opinions of her in any way, shape, manner, or form. However, this fan FICTION is centered around Mark and the reader, and therefore, Amy's FICTIONAL CHARACTER was made so I could push the plot forward in this story, and in this story only. Thank you for your understanding.


	6. To LA and Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N moves to LA, and Bob helps her out with transportation.

(Y/N’s POV)

Three weeks went by far too quickly. By the last few nights, I was shoving miscellaneous shit into boxes, glad all the fragile shit had already been wrapped. The morning I was due to leave, my mother was teary-eyed, but had the widest smile on her face.

“I could not be prouder of you,” she said as she hugged me. “Make your momma proud, and don’t forget to text me when you get there!!”

“Will do!” I called as I walked out the door. All of my stuff was on a U-Haul, and Bob and I were making the drive to LA in said U-Haul together, hooking my car up to the back of the moving truck. Bob was going with me so he could bring the U-Haul back, and also so I didn’t have to make a move across the whole damn country entirely by myself.

“I never thought I’d move to LA,” I mused as we made our way out to the highway.

“Life takes us on unexpected paths,” Bob pointed out. “This one just happens to be yours.”

I chuckled. “Life sure does have its surprises,” I responded.

“And hey, I know we’ll be 2,100 miles and two time zones apart, but you can always call me if you need anything,” Bob reminded me. “We’re still friends, even if you never speak to Mark again.”

The mention of Mark made my chest hurt, but I wouldn’t let Bob see that on my face. So I laughed again, nodding in agreement. Bob set the cruise control and sat back in his seat, and I looked out the window, towards the new life I was headed towards.

Metaphorically, of course. In reality, my eyes were met with the unforgiving sight of endless stretches of paved highway roads.

“Mark’s probably going to look for you,” Bob said after a bit of silence. “He seemed pretty insistent on at least talking to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” I reminded Bob. “He ignored me for three years without so much as an explanation, and now all of a sudden I owe him a conversation because he decided he wants one?”

“I never said you owed that boy a thing,” Bob said indignantly. “I’m just warning you about Mark’s potential actions. As you know, he asked for your new number, and I didn’t give it to him, but he won’t stop asking me about you. So if you ever want to stop letting me be the middle man, I’m totally willing to give you his number.”

“Guilt-tripping people isn’t cool, Bob,” I grumbled as I sat back in my seat. “You know why I’m not speaking to Mark.”

“I do know why, and I’m not trying to guilt-trip you,” Bob said. “What Mark did was shitty, and I know it hurt you and essentially wrecked the only friend group the seven of us knew. We thought our group was rock-solid, and I guess Mark’s leaving threw us all off and ended up being our demise.”

I sat there, unable to respond as tears filled my eyes. I didn’t miss high school, but I missed the group I’d spent my high school tenure with. And I was angry that the rest of us had just let Mark ruin everything.

“I’m not saying you have to speak to him, ever,” Bob repeated gently. “But just know that if you decide to do that, it might help you let go of some of the anger and hurt you’ve been holding inside you for three years.”

I sniffled and nodded. “Maybe someday I will, but that day is not today.”

Bob nodded. “Don’t ever let anyone rush you in your own healing. That’s on your timetable, and nobody else’s.”

“I know,” I responded with a slight smile. “Thanks, Bob.”

“What else are friends for, my dude?”

(Mark’s POV)

Today was y/n’s moving day. I only knew this because of the selfie she’d posted with Bob on her Instagram. If my timing was right, she’d been on the road for about six hours now, which meant she would probably be just outside of St. Charles, Missouri. That is if she hadn’t already stopped. It was nearly 6 PM her time anyway. 

I looked back down at my phone just as a call from Amy came through. We hadn’t even spoken since she’d stormed out of my apartment three weeks prior, so a call from her was pretty unexpected.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mark,” she said, her voice unfamiliarly cool.

“What’s up, babe?” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I didn’t know how you would feel about me showing up uninvited, so I called you instead,” she explained, clearing her throat before continuing. “I’m breaking up with you.”

I started but didn’t respond quickly enough for her. “I’m breaking up with you, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard,” I responded. “Is there a reason?”

She laughed, almost maniacally. “You barely pay attention to me anymore, we haven’t even spoken in three weeks, whenever we do interact with each other, it’s only fighting, and you’re still hung up on that girl you left behind in Cincinnati. There will be no second chances, Mark. We’re through.”

And with that, she hung up.

I looked at my phone for a few seconds after that, before placing it down on the counter. 

I couldn’t lie, there was a giant sense of relief that I felt now that Amy had broken up with me. But I also knew that actually getting y/n would be near, if not entirely, impossible.

So I decided to try to appeal to my fanbase, knowing they weren’t expecting a video but also knowing they deserved one.

I turned on my camera, adjusting my hair slightly before taking a deep breath.

“Hi guys,” I said slowly. “I know it’s been about three or four weeks since I last uploaded, and this isn’t an announcement saying I’m coming back. I might put up a few intermittent videos here and there, but I really can’t jump back into anything full-time right now.”

I took another deep breath, surprised at the tears already filling my eyes.

“Amy and I broke up,” I said quickly, trying to rush it out. “It was my fault, for not being there for her, and for not being the man she deserves. I wish her all the best, and she and I will not be looking at getting back together. While this was not mutual, both of us feel like it should be a final decision and that we will be better off growing apart.”

I wiped at my eyes before continuing.

“I also haven’t been completely honest with you guys,” I continued. “There’s another reason I’m going on a hiatus.”

I grabbed a bottle of water off my desk and took a couple of drinks as I tried to find the words to explain what had happened.

“There was a girl I was best friends with for years back in Cincinnati,” I began. “We met in like the sixth grade, her name is y/n. We really were just friends at the beginning, but I started developing this crush on her when we were in our sophomore year of high school.

“Up until graduation, I was obsessed with this girl. She’s absolutely amazing. She was there for me through some of the worst times of my life, and I couldn’t imagine a life without her, whether or not my love for her was requited.”

I brushed away tears reforming in my eyes and took another drink before I could keep going.

“I moved out here to LA two weeks after we graduated high school together. By that point, I’d already confessed my feelings for her, and she somehow fell for me around the same time. I’d kissed her, twice. We’d talked about the possibility of getting together, even though we’d be two time zones apart all the time and long-distance. But she seemed like she’d be willing to do it, all of it, for me.”

“I fucked up,” I said simply, shrugging my shoulders and letting a couple of tears finally fall. “I had every intention of starting something with y/n, something I thought could’ve and would’ve been amazing. But I met Amy at the airport, and we hit it off, and I realized I wanted someone who could be there a lot, someone I could hold and kiss and cuddle and not watch movies over Skype with. I loved y/n, but I liked the idea of Amy because she was there.

“So I ignored y/n. I didn’t text back, didn’t return her calls, didn’t reply to her emails, I even muted her social media accounts so I wouldn’t be ‘orbiting’, so to speak. I threw my focus into YouTube and into Amy, and I thought I was happy.

“As you can tell, that all fell apart. Y/N called again after I hadn’t heard anything from her in three years. And I fucked up by trying to make excuses and get myself back on her good side. That’s the thing about y/n, it can take years to get on her good side and minutes to fall all the way down.”

I rubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t think she watches any of my videos, but y/n, if you ever see this, please understand how sorry I am. I know I’m dumb. I know I don’t have any excuses, and I know what I did was wrong and hurtful and stupid. I don’t deserve you, or your forgiveness, or even the time of day from you, but I also know you’re an absolute angel on earth, and if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, please let me know. If you never want to speak to me, I’ll understand. If you want to be friends again, I’m absolutely more than willing. And if by some unknown, invisible grace, you would want something more than just friendship, I’m more than willing to sail that ship with you, as far out as you want to take it.

“I love you, y/n. As a friend, and as a person. I’ve been in love with you for seven years now, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. 

“Please come back, y/n. I’m sorry I fucked our whole group up, and I’m especially sorry for how badly I fucked you up. I mean it, that’s all I wanted you to know. That I mean it.”

I switched off the camera again, sitting back in my chair. I ran through my thoughts in my head, hoping I’d said everything I wanted to say. But I couldn’t go through something like that again, I didn’t want to rehash the whole thing. So I transferred the clip to my computer and sent it straight to YouTube, with no editing, just rendering and uploading. I titled it “an update”.

I refreshed and saw 15,000 views after ten minutes, and I couldn’t bring myself to read through any of the comments.

All I could really hope for was that it found its way to y/n.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! it's been 87 years!
> 
> college is a workload and a half, and i've written two chapters of this book since the semester started. two chapters. in two months.
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this one, i'll upload the other of the two chapters either later today or sometime tomorrow.
> 
> it's about to get a lot juicier, i promise!


	7. Move-In Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to move into your new apartment! But this beautiful new beginning you're experiencing comes with a pretty nasty catch.

(Y/N’s POV)

After three days of traveling, we finally made it to Los Angeles. The address of the apartment Nicole had given me was in a building far nicer than even I’d expected. The lobby was absolutely pristine, and the security measures were enough to make me feel safe inside what was going to be my home, but not overdone.

There were even staff workers who helped me carry boxes out of the U-Haul and into the elevator as we began moving all of my stuff in. The apartment was already furnished, all I had to bring with me was all of my other possessions. My mother had gifted me with a brand-new set of pots and pans as well as dishes, glasses, and silverware, and I had cried as I wrapped them up to pack them. I wanted to move her out here to be closer to me, but I knew Cincinnati was her home. So I asked Bob to visit her as much as he could instead, in my place.

We arrived at Floor 15 and made our way down to apartment 1537. I unlocked the door with my new key (!!!) and pushed it open.

I couldn’t have been met with a prettier apartment.

The walls were a pristine white, and the room was big and open and full of windows. I was such a sucker for natural light, and this apartment was truly "love at first sight."

The furniture was oak and shined brilliantly, filling the room with a very homey appeal. The building sat just across from the ocean, and I knew I would fall in with the sunset view every day.

After about two hours, all of my boxes were moved in, and I tipped the mover boys handsomely. They smiled as they left, sweaty and clearly exhausted.

“Alright,” Bob said, clapping his hands together, “where do we begin?”

(Mark’s POV)

The noise in the hallway outside my apartment had been nonstop all morning. People walking back and forth, talking and occasionally yelling, it was a wonder I got anything done.  
I finally stuck my head out as a group of very sweaty guys came walking past again, and asked if they were almost done.

“Yeah, sorry man,” the guy in front responded. “We work here and we had to help move a lady in just down the hall. We didn’t mean to be so loud.”

“No, you’re fine,” I said quickly, feeling bad. “I just have some work to get done today, that’s all. I didn’t know you were actually working, I just thought people were goofing off.”

“Nah, sorry, dude,” he responded with a chuckle. “We would’ve invited you if we had been.”

I chuckled. “Thanks anyway. Have a good rest of your day.”

He nodded, and the four of them headed off again.

I didn’t think too much of the whole situation for a while until I pulled up y/n’s Instagram again.

She’d posted a picture of her new apartment door, a white door bearing the gold numbers 1537. I thought about how ironic it was since my apartment number was 1535.

I scrolled through the pictures in her post, a few of them being her and Bob goofing off while unpacking.

Then I noticed the geotag.

Eastway Apartments.

That…was my apartment building.

I heard people walking down the hall and watched (albeit a bit creepily) through my peephole until the two people passed.

When they did, I opened my door ever so slightly and looked out after them.

I recognized Bob. Which meant the woman walking next to him…was y/n.

I nearly cried out her name, but instead, I slammed myself back into my apartment, breathing heavily.

This had to be a nightmare. Some kind of cruel joke played by the gods of fate. The girl I was so desperately in love with hated my guts, and now, on top of that, was living two doors down from me?

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Y/N wouldn’t want to talk to me, so I didn’t know why I was freaking out so much. 

But that didn’t stop me from wanting to talk to her.

(Y/N’s POV)

I scrolled mindlessly through Instagram as Bob and I waited for our food. I was exhausted, but still had at least three hours of unpacking left to do.

“Are you worried about running into Mark?” Bob asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “but my mom’s right. LA has a population of almost four million people, the chances of accidentally running into Mark is pretty low.”

Bob nodded. “That’s true. If you don’t go looking for him, he’s not likely to show up.”

“I don’t plan on going looking for him, but I figure if I do run into him I can handle him accordingly.”

Bob sighed. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to grasp the fact that six years ago Mark was an irreplaceable part of our friend group, and now he’s hurt you so badly that you talk about ‘handling him accordingly’ when you see him.”

“I know,” I said in agreement. “It’s heartbreaking for me to think about. Like, I’ll think about that time we all went to Six Flags for Lydia’s birthday, and how we were literally there from opening to closing, and it was one of the best days of our lives. And I think about that party we had right before Mark left where we were all getting ready to start new chapters of our lives, and we all felt so solid in our friendships with each other. And I thought Mark and I were on the verge of becoming something. It hurts to think about how we’ve come so far, and yet we’ve been blown so far apart.”

Bob nodded. “I think Tyler stopped talking to the rest of us once he got close with Mark again and started doing stuff on his channel with him and that Ethan kid. Plus he and Olivia broke up, so I know that kinda rattled him.”

“I don’t think rattled is a strong enough word,” I said with a laugh. “I felt horrible for him. We all trusted Olivia. But _eight_ other guys?”

“Yeah,” Bob breathed out. “And to think none of them knew they were one of Olivia’s nine boyfriends.”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe it.”

We finished our meals over a different conversation topic, before paying and heading back to my apartment building.

1537 felt more like home when I opened the door again, but not nearly as much as I knew it would feel like home once I’d been here longer.

We finished unpacking around 11 PM, and both of us were exhausted.

“You wanna just crash for the night, or do you wanna take a walk along the beach?” I asked Bob, who yawned as I asked the question.

“I think I’m just gonna crash,” he said. “I’m fighting sleep now, just standing here.”

“Alright,” I said, “make yourself at home. You can have the bed if you want, but the couch also folds out into a futon bed.”

“Y/N, I’m not taking your bed the first night you’re living here,” Bob responded. “The futon bed will be perfect.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m going for a walk by myself, I hope that’s okay. Feel free to take a shower or something. We’ll have to go grocery shopping in the morning.”

Bob nodded. “Be safe, keep your phone on.”

I held it up. “Eighty percent charged, I’ll have my ringer on.”

He smiled. “Have fun then,” he said as he turned to head up to the bathroom. 

I slipped some flip-flops on before heading out to the seaside, listening to the waves and looking at the stars.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I sat on the dry sand. The salty air stung a bit, but I welcomed it. To me, it was the beginning of a new life. A new chapter towards me living my absolute dream. A new job meant new people. New friends, new experiences, a new city, new—

“Y/N?”

My eyes snapped open. I knew that voice.

“Y/N, is that you?”

My heart skipped probably a hundred beats as I looked over to where the voice was coming from. And indeed, it was the person I’d feared seeing the most.

“Y/N, I don’t wanna scare you, I’m sorry—”

I scrambled to my feet, hurrying backward away from him. “Do not come any closer,” I snarled.

Mark held his hands out, but he didn’t take another step. “Y/N, I—what’re you doing here?” he asked, incredulous.

“I don’t fucking owe you an answer to that question,” I snapped. “But for your information, I live here now. I got a new job here in LA.”

Mark motioned towards the apartment building I’d just moved into. “Is that where you live?”

I crossed my arms. “Why in the hell would I tell you that?” I responded.

He sighed. “Because I live there,” he said with a shrug. “If you live there too, I didn’t want you thinking I was stalking you.”

My blood ran cold. The one person in the entire city of Los Angeles that I had hoped to avoid was living in my apartment building.

“I—yes, I live here,” I stammered.

“Okay,” he breathed out. “I’m on floor 15, if you ever need a friend, I’m—”

My ears had shut off. Not only did this man live in my building, but he also lived on my floor. I didn’t even want to know how close to my apartment he actually was.

“—please, just give me another chance,” is what I heard as my ears came back into focus.

“Excuse me?” I asked. “You—you want what?”

“Just another shot to make things up to you,” he said, his voice almost drowned out by the crashing waves. 

“You think you can just make up four years?” I snapped. “Mark, I could understand if we’d just lost touch, but you completely ignored me. From day one! I heard nothing from you after you texted to tell me your flight had landed in LA. I texted. I called. I emailed. But you never even gave me the time of day.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but I barreled on.

“You left me,” I said angrily. “You blatantly and purposefully ignored me, and you knew what you were doing. You did it because of Amy, you fucking told me that yourself. You don’t get to just apologize and expect me to let you waltz back into my life!”

“I’m not asking for that!” he shouted back. “I just want you to let me prove myself to you!”

“You have a fucking girlfriend, Mark,” I yelled. “You don’t need me or any of us anymore.”

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a step towards me. “No I don’t,” he said blankly, his face void of emotion. “She broke up with me.”

I stepped back again, reiterating our distance. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, crossing my arms in front of me.

“Y/N, please,” he said quietly. “Just one day. I just want to spend one day with you. It’ll be just like old times, I swear.”

“Nothing will be like ‘old times’ ever again, Mark,” I said indignantly. “And that’s because of you.”

Mark wilted at my words, and I spun on my heel and began walking back towards the apartment building. If he called after me, I couldn’t hear it. Not over the combination of the waves, my over-working heart, and my racing mind.

My phone buzzed as I made my way back to apartment 1537, a text from Lydia. My spirits lifted momentarily, as I hadn’t heard from her in ages.

**Lydia: Dude, I know you and Mark are like, not talking anymore, but this video he posted about you is some pretty raw shit.**

**https://youtube.com/WATCHghr019cjZZ**

I clicked on the link against my better judgment and hit play once I was in my bedroom, away from a snoring Bob.

The title simply read: “an update”, and the video was a few days old. Mark didn’t look like he’d showered in a few days, which I guess I hadn’t been able to tell by looking at him a few moments before since it had been so dark.

“Amy and I broke up,” he blurted out after a few moments of silence. “It was my fault, for not being there for her, and for not being the man she deserves. I wish her all the best, and she and I will not be looking at getting back together. While this was not mutual, both of us feel like it should be a final decision and that we will be better off growing apart.”

I kept watching, waiting to see what kind of content Lydia had seen to describe it as “raw shit”.

“I also haven’t been completely honest with you guys,” Mark continued. “There’s another reason I’m going on a hiatus.”

He grabbed a bottle of water and drank nearly half of it before he continued.

“There was a girl I was best friends with for years back in Cincinnati,” he started, and I felt tears sting the back of my eyes almost immediately. “We met in like the sixth grade, her name is y/n. We really were just friends at the beginning, but I started developing this crush on her when we were in our sophomore year of high school.

“Up until graduation, I was obsessed with this girl. She’s absolutely amazing. She was there for me through some of the worst times of my life, and I couldn’t imagine a life without her, whether or not my love for her was requited.”

I watched him wipe tears from his cheeks and take another drink of water before he kept talking.

“I moved out here to LA two weeks after we graduated high school together. By that point, I’d already confessed my feelings for her, and she somehow fell for me around the same time. I’d kissed her, twice. We’d talked about the possibility of getting together, even though we’d be two time zones apart all the time and long-distance. But she seemed like she’d be willing to do it, all of it, for me.”

“I fucked up,” he confessed, his shoulders slumping as tears dripped down his face. “I had every intention of starting something with y/n, something I thought could’ve and would’ve been amazing. But I met Amy at the airport, and we hit it off, and I realized I wanted someone who could be there a lot, someone I could hold and kiss and cuddle and not watch movies over Skype with. I loved y/n, but I liked the idea of Amy because she was there.

“So I ignored y/n. I didn’t text back, didn’t return her calls, didn’t reply to her emails, I even muted her social media accounts so I wouldn’t be ‘orbiting’, so to speak. I threw my focus into YouTube and into Amy, and I thought I was happy.

“As you can tell, that all fell apart. Y/N called again after I hadn’t heard anything from her in three years. And I fucked up by trying to make excuses and get myself back on her good side. That’s the thing about y/n, it can take years to get on her good side and minutes to fall all the way down.”

Tears fell down my own face as I watched Mark rub a hand over his in the video. “I don’t think she watches any of my videos,” he said, “but y/n, if you ever see this, please understand how sorry I am. I know I’m dumb. I know I don’t have any excuses, and I know what I did was wrong and hurtful and stupid. I don’t deserve you, or your forgiveness, or even the time of day from you, but I also know you’re an absolute angel on earth, and if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, please let me know. If you never want to speak to me, I’ll understand. If you want to be friends again, I’m absolutely more than willing. And if by some unknown, invisible grace, you would want something more than just friendship, I’m more than willing to sail that ship with you, as far out as you want to take it.

“I love you, y/n. As a friend, and as a person. I’ve been in love with you for seven years now, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. 

“Please come back, y/n. I’m sorry I fucked our whole group up, and I’m especially sorry for how badly I fucked you up. I mean it, that’s all I wanted you to know. That I mean it.”

He leaned forward, presumably to cut off the camera feed, and the video ended. I sat back on my bed, tears streaming freely down my face, as I tried to process everything he’d said in the video. I couldn’t understand why he’d done all of this shit if he was still in love with me, but I knew I deserved an explanation.

So I texted Lydia back, thanking her for letting me know the video existed.

**Me: By the way, do you still have Mark’s phone number?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when the next update will be, guys! i've got SUCH a full week this week. i mentor tuesday, along with a giant group project that's due tuesday, a test on wednesday, a paper due thursday, and a quiz friday. idk when i'll have time to write, let alone upload.
> 
> thanks for your patience, by the way! if you're here reading this after coming from stranger danger, i hope you find this story good too.
> 
> i hope to upload again over thanksgiving break (which is coming up in a couple weeks), but it depends on if i get another chapter done. i'll keep y'all posted (LOL)
> 
> also, if the youtube link takes you to an actual video, i'm very sorry, i literally just keyboard smashed. it's not an actual mark video or anything. that i know of, anyway.


	8. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first day in your new apartment doesn't go anywhere near to plan.

(Y/N’s POV)

The next day came too quickly for my liking. I’d accidentally been up until 2 AM debating whether or not to text Mark with the number Lydia sent me, and since I’d set my alarm for 8 AM, the blaring music that came through my phone did not make me very happy.

I stretched as I pulled myself out of bed, climbing into some clothes and heading down the stairs. Bob was already up, sitting on the couch and flipping through TV channels.

“You wanna go out for breakfast?” I asked. “Or do you just wanna go grocery shopping and make breakfast when we get back?”

“I’m hungry now,” Bob responded with a laugh. “I vote for going out for breakfast.”

“Sounds good,” I said, slipping my shoes on. “Let’s head out then.”

We exited the hallway, and Bob tapped my shoulder as I was locking up. “Who’s that?”

I looked down the hall a bit to see the bottom half of someone sticking out of their apartment door. I couldn’t tell who it was, but my gut told me it was the one person I was hoping Bob wouldn’t find out was living here.

Bob walked closer and gasped loudly. “Oh my fucking God, it’s Mark! _Our_ Mark!”

I rushed over, against my better judgment, and found Mark unconscious, pale, and ice cold.

“Y/N, check for a pulse, I’m calling nine-one-one,” Bob said frantically. I checked for a pulse and found one after a bit of searching, but it was erratic and hard to keep track of.

“We don’t know what’s wrong,” Bob explained to the operator. “We found him like this.”

I sat Mark up as best as I could, cradling his head in my lap. I felt his head for bumps, in case he’d taken a hit when he went down, and I didn’t find anything substantial.

Ten minutes felt like a lifetime, but that’s how long it took paramedics to make it there. They put Mark on a stretcher and wheeled him out, sticking an IV in and taking his pulse.

Bob and I ran along with them, and I was trying to keep up and ask questions.

“Is he gonna be okay? What’s wrong with him?” I asked.

“We don’t know yet, ma’am,” one of them answered. “Looks like a textbook case of alcohol poisoning, though. You’re probably really fortunate to have gotten to him when you did.”

I stopped dead in my tracks as they continued to rush Mark down the hall.

“Alcohol poisoning,” is all I could get out when Bob stopped too, after realizing I wasn’t still trailing him.

“He drank himself to that state?” Bob asked, incredulously.

I threw my hands up. I didn’t know. How was I supposed to know?

“Come on, we’ll follow the ambulance, make sure he’s okay,” Bob instructed, taking my keys from me. “Is that what you want to do?”

I nodded, unable to speak. I didn’t want Mark to be a part of my life, but I didn’t want him to die.

Is that what I’d driven him to do?

I rode silently in the car as we followed the ambulance to the hospital. My hands were shaking almost uncontrollably, and I had no idea how to stop them.

By the time we made it to the hospital, the paramedics had already gotten Mark into a room. We had to wait in the waiting room before we could go see him, but a doctor was kind enough to come out and grill us for anything that could explain what Mark had done.

“I have no idea why he drank that much,” I said, tears beginning to stream down my face. “We had an argument last night, but all I did was walk away from him. I didn’t even know he drank at all.”

“You’re his girlfriend, and you didn’t know he drank?” the doctor asked suspiciously.

I laughed nervously. “I’m not his girlfriend,” I answered quickly. “Before last night I hadn’t spoken to him in four years. It’s a really long story.”

The doctor sighed. “Alright. He’s stable, you can come in and see him, but we ask that you do it one at a time.”

“Is he awake yet?” I asked, my voice wobbly.

“No,” was the only response.

Bob went in first while I waited out in the hall. I heard him talking, though I couldn’t understand what he was saying. He came out after about ten minutes.

“He’s awake now,” he said as he came back out to me. “You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.”

“No, I think I should,” I said firmly, pushing myself off the wall I was leaning on. “I think I should talk to Mark about why the hell he pulled this.”

“I want to talk about this argument you two had last night, too,” Bob instructed before I was all the way in Mark’s room. “I didn’t even know you’d seen him, let alone spoken to him.”

“We’ll talk later,” I promised as I walked into Mark’s hospital room.

He was still pale when I walked into the room, but his whole body perked up as much as it could when he saw me.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice sounding as though he’d gargled gravel. “I can’t thank you enough, you saved my life.”

“Cut the bullshit, Mark,” I snapped. “Why the fuck did you almost drink yourself to death?”

He sighed. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that,” he admitted quietly. “Don’t blame yourself, for this, but I was thinking last night about what you said—about how we can never be the way we were before I left because of the things I did, and I got so disgusted with myself that I got drunk. I guess I drank more than I thought—or I’m more of a lightweight than I realized…but I was going to go down to your apartment and apologize again, but I remembered I didn’t know your apartment number, so I turned around to go back inside, and the next thing I remember is waking up here, with the doctor telling me I’m lucky to be alive.”

“If Bob and I hadn’t found you, you probably wouldn’t be,” I admitted.

“Thank you for calling the ambulance,” Mark said. “You could’ve just left me there, but you didn’t. And I’m grateful for that.”

“Mark, I may not want to be a part of your life, but that doesn’t mean I want you dead,” I told him firmly. “You’re a stupid fucking idiot who crushed my heart, but I know that you’re still a wonderful person in there somewhere, and your fans deserve that person.”

His eyes widened slightly. “I haven’t posted in fucking forever,” he groaned. “I’m going to start losing ad revenue.”

“What about that video you posted like a week ago?” I asked, watching as his eyes widened even more. “The one about me?”

He rubbed his eyes for a few seconds, breathing deeply before he answered.

“I wanted you to see that, but at the same time I never wanted it to grace your timeline,” he said quietly. “I really am sorry for what happened between us, y/n.”

I sighed. “My mom always tells me I’m good enough to forgive, and smart enough to still keep the people who hurt me away from me.”

Mark nodded. “That does sound a lot like your mom.”

I smiled slightly. “And yes, Mark, we were amazing friends. You were my best friend. And if I could wave a magic wand, we’d still be best friends, and the things you did would be erased from existence. But I don’t have a magic wand, and I can’t erase or undo the things you did.”

“I know,” he responded. “But you also can’t erase the fact that I am genuinely sorry for how I treated you and for how things between us have ended up. I’m taking full responsibility for that.”

“I appreciate that,” I said earnestly. “I start my new job on Monday, but if you’re free next Friday, I’d like to come down to your place, order a pizza, and really talk about stuff. All of it.”

His eyes widened once more, but he nodded vigorously. “Absolutely,” he said almost immediately. “If this is even a tiny first step into having you back in my life, I will do whatever you want.”

I nodded once as I stood up, brushing nonexistent dust off of my shirt. “Call Bob’s phone when you get discharged, and I’ll come to give you a ride home,” I said as I headed towards the door. “I have your phone number, by the way, so I’ll text you on Friday to make sure we’re still good on our plans.”

Mark nodded. “Totally. I absolutely understand.”

“Great,” I said decidedly. “I’ll see you when you get out of here.”

“Sounds good.”

And I left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to post this when i said i'd post this, yikes! anyway, here it is now! my weekend is here and i'm homework-free so i might be able to post another chapter, but it depends on if the chapter actually gets written.
> 
> sorry it's so short, too, i felt like where it ended was a pretty good spot to end the chapter.
> 
> thanks for your patience! i hope you're enjoying the story :)


	9. The One Where Friday Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday comes around, and you text Mark about meeting up.

(Mark’s POV)

Friday came all too quickly and not quickly enough all at once. I hadn’t heard from y/n, which I had expected, but I was still hoping she hadn’t forgotten about our Friday plans.

Right before 5, she finally texted me. 

**Unknown: It’s Y/N. I just got off of work. Is it cool if I come by around 7?**

**Me: Totally. My apartment number is 1535.**

**Y/N: Sounds good. You get the pizza, I’ll bring drinks. Sound good?**

**Me: Definitely. I’ll see you at 7.**

She didn’t respond after that, but that was okay by me. She was still definitely coming over, and the thought made my heart burst.

I picked up around the apartment, vacuumed again, and showered all within an hour. I ordered the pizza at 6:15 and was told it would arrive at 6:50, which was pretty perfect timing. It arrived at 6:53, and y/n came knocking at 7:01.

I opened the door to see her in a sweatshirt and jeans, her hair pulled into a French braid. 

“Did you learn to do that on your own or is Bob still staying at your place?” I said with a chuckle as she came inside.

“Nah, Bob left for Cincinnati last Sunday,” she said, though there was a smile on her face. “My college roommate Sydney taught me how to do this my freshman year.”

My heart pinged. If I’d been around, I would’ve known that already.

Looking to change the subject, I glanced at her hands. She held two bottles of wine, which I thought was ironic considering the events of last weekend, but I pulled two glasses from my cabinet all the same.

“I realized I probably shouldn’t have brought alcohol only after I had already knocked,” y/n explained apologetically. “If you want something else I can run back and get it.”

“No, it’s totally fine,” I reassured her as I popped the cork on one of the bottles. “I’ve been drinking nothing but water all week, and the doctor said I’d made a full recovery when they let me out Saturday anyway.”

She nodded, accepting the glass I poured for her with a grateful smile. “Let’s grab some pizza and get this conversation over with,” she said with a heavy breath. I nodded myself, pouring a second glass and getting plates out for the pizza.

We made our way into the living room, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa. 

Y/N heaved a sigh and looked up at me before taking a drink of wine.

“Alright,” she said when she sat the glass down. “I get to talk first.”

“Sure,” I agreed. “You were the one who decided you were willing enough to even talk to me, so you get to call all the shots at this point.”

She nodded, taking another breath. “I’m not trying to dump more on you when you’ve already apologized so much,” she began. “I know you’ve apologized publicly, and through friends, and to me personally. But you need to know firsthand how I felt this entire time.”

“Okay.”

“You left in the beginning of July. I understood that you were probably busy getting settled in and getting into your YouTube business at first, and so when you hadn’t reached out by September, I wasn’t too worried. But when November rolled around and you still hadn’t said a word to me, I was beginning to worry I’d done something to hurt you or make you mad, and I couldn’t even get an answer out of you regarding that, not even to give me peace of mind.

“Then I noticed you’d been posting on social media and everything pretty regularly, which only furthered my suspicion that I’d somehow screwed up. And you still wouldn’t talk to me.

“By the time my first semester of college ended, I had stopped trying to contact you. And it stayed that way for the next three years.”

She made eye contact with me, and I saw tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes. I wanted to reach out for her, but I knew she’d never let me touch her. So I cleared my throat and told her she could continue when she felt like it.

She took a breath and began again. “I went on with life as I could, making my own friends, going on bad dates and getting into a couple short-term relationships. Then, I went on this really bad date in my senior year of college. We went to a movie, and he talked through probably the whole thing. He demanded that I let him go through my phone, and when I obviously told him no, he grabbed my arm and told me that proper women didn’t say no to men, really loudly. He took me back to my dorm after I told him proper men didn’t degrade women like that, and said that if I lost some weight, he’d be happy to see me again. I flipped him off and pretty much ran inside my building. I blocked him everywhere I had him and cried for a good hour about the whole thing, it was pretty pathetic.

“I hadn’t watched your channel in forever by this point, it had gotten too painful for me to even see your face. But I thought maybe seeing you would be comforting this time, and I don’t know why. But I pulled up your channel, and you had pink hair, and you were livestreaming. I had this big idea to call you to see if you’d finally answer after I hadn’t even bothered trying to contact you after three years, and I got to watch you decline my call on your livestream. You know what happened after that.

“A whole year passed, I graduated college, got the job at my dream graphic design company, and a few months after that, they transferred me out here. That brings me up to where I am right now, sitting here with you.”

She wiped at her eyes with her sweatshirt sleeve, heaving out a shaky breath and sniffling. 

I was struggling to hold back tears myself. I was such an idiot, and I knew that no amount of talking I did would even begin to justify what I’d done to her.

“Your turn,” y/n said, downing the rest of her wine.

I took a swig myself, and started my side of the story.

“You really already know a large part of it,” I said slowly, “since you watched my YouTube video and all. But I know you deserve a better explanation.”

“If you ever saw my video on drawing my life, you’ll know my mom wanted to kick me out because of one of my friends. That person was you. I told her you and I were thinking of getting together, and for whatever reason, she thought that was a horrible idea, and she thought I was just going to break your heart by leading you on through a long-distance relationship that she was convinced would end before Thanksgiving of that year. I’d originally planned to just date you anyway and not tell her until after we’d made it past Thanksgiving, but when I got to the airport in LA, I met Amy and realized that if I met someone else who was closer, my mom would be happier about it. I loved you with every part of my being, but Amy was pretty and sweet and not 2,000 miles away. I liked the idea of her a lot more than I liked her.

“I’d fixed my relationship with my mom, I had a nice girlfriend, and for some reason, I thought that if I cut you out completely, it’d be easier for me to forget about you and focus on my relationship with Amy. This did not go well, especially for the first three months. Amy knew, or at least thought, I was ignoring you. But every time a text from you popped up, or you called unexpectedly, it started a fight between us. And I somehow got it into my head that you were screwing up my relationship, which made me mad, so I continued to ignore you. Then when the texts and calls and everything stopped, I thought I was home free.

“But three years went by, with absolutely nothing from you besides your social media posts. And I started missing you, hardcore. It was something I thought I was able to hide, but it got worse as the years went by. And when you called me while I was livestreaming, that completely broke me. That’s why I tried so hard to get ahold of you after my livestream actually ended. I was panic-stricken, because I was worried something had happened to you or your mom or something, because you were calling out of the blue after I’d heard nothing from you directly after three whole years. It was the worst feeling ever when you wouldn’t answer, and I think that helped me realize how you had felt when I ignored you.

“Then, after you let me have it once you did answer the phone, another year went by and I just got worse and worse. I stopped taking care of myself, I fought with Amy more and more often, and my YouTube videos got shorter, less frequent, and the quality got worse. Finally, I took a hiatus from YouTube, kicked Amy out of my place, and tried to text you, but you’d changed your number. Amy didn’t live at my place, she’d just been there for a few days and we kept fighting, so I told her to go home. She ended up breaking up with me a few days later, and a few weeks after that I found out you’d moved into the same apartment building as me. I already knew you were on my floor because I happened to see Bob in the hallway at one point, but I didn’t talk to him or you. When I saw you on the beach, I asked you because I didn’t want you to think I was stalking you, I genuinely just lived here too. Then I somehow managed to drink myself almost to death, which turned out to kind of be a good thing since it got us talking again. That leads us up to tonight, where we’re sitting here talking.”

Y/N had tears streaming down her face, and it broke my heart. Against my better judgement, I reached out and took her hands in mine. To my surprise, she didn’t rip them out of my grip.

“Y/N, nothing I say or do will ever make up for how I’ve hurt you. I know that. But I am still so in love with you, regardless of what I will ever tell anyone else. Even if we never get together, it will be enough for me to just have you as my friend again. You are the best person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I will work every day to make sure I never hurt you like this again.”

She finally took her hands away from mine, to wipe at the tear stains on her face. “I wish I could, Mark,” she said quietly, her voice small and tired. “I can’t be yours, not right now. It might be months before I’m ready to take a step like that. Hell, I might never be ready to take a step like that. But if you’re willing to wait, I’m willing to try to be friends.”

My heart leaped. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve her. But I was selfish enough to take this chance she was giving me.

“Absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent,” I said earnestly. “We can start hanging out or something, if you want.”

She nodded. “Maybe next weekend or something.”

I agreed. “Did you wanna stay here longer tonight, or did you just wanna have that conversation and go home?”

She sighed before she stretched. “It’s literally not even eight o’ clock yet,” she said with a chuckle. “I don’t wanna end this night on such a sad note. Let’s watch a movie.”

(Y/N’s POV)

Mark seemed all too happy to watch a movie with me. He leapt up off the couch, grabbing a DVD as I went to get more pizza.

I walked back into the living room to realize he had Princess Bride on the screen. My favorite movie.

“You remembered,” I said gratefully.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “Come sit down.”

I obliged, sitting much closer than I had earlier. He glanced at me but didn’t say anything as he started the movie.

My eyelids started getting heavy halfway through the movie, and against every fiber of my body screaming at me to just yawn and ask to go home, I scooted closer to Mark and snuggled up into his side.

“Y/N?” he asked, surprised. 

“’M tired,” I mumbled, and didn’t complain when I felt his arm around my shoulders.

“Alright, you can fall asleep if you want,” he said quietly, pulling the blanket off the top of the couch and covering me up with it.

“Sweet dreams, bean,” was the last thing I heard.

(Mark’s POV)

Y/N was still asleep long after the movie ended. It was 10:30 and my phone was at 17% when I finally felt her stir.

“Jesus, what time is it?” she asked, her voice full of sleep as she sat up.

“10:30,” I responded. “I just wanted to let you sleep.”

She smiled tiredly. “Thanks, Mark. I’m gonna get home and get to bed, is that okay?”

“Yes, y/n, I’m not going to keep you hostage,” I replied with a laugh.

She stood up, stretching again. “You can keep the open bottle,” she told me as she grabbed the one we hadn’t opened. “Text me about next weekend, alright? You can come up with plans this time.”

I nodded. “Let me know if you make other plans, I don’t want you to just wait around for me.”

She shrugged. “You’re my only friend around here right now,” she said with a chuckle. “I’ll keep you posted though.”

And she ambled back over to me, kissed my cheek, and was gone.

I didn’t stop touching my cheek for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got my computer back!! and all my files are fine. I've never been so grateful to have a functioning laptop. it's been so stressful not having a personal laptop. i had to remember to log out of everything i used on the loaner laptop and i could legit only do homework, there wasn't room or time for anything i would use my personal laptop for during downtime.
> 
> anyway, here's another chapter! the next one is already finished, and i'll post that sometime next week during my thanksgiving break. hopefully i'll also have time to write more so i have more to post, but only time will tell.
> 
> have a happy turkey day!! and good luck to everyone preparing or beginning to prepare for finals!!!!


	10. Drinking Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday comes, and you hear nothing from Mark. Upset at being stood up, you go out with a coworker instead.

(Y/N’s POV)

The week had dragged on, and it seemed like Friday would never arrive. I was a lot more excited about hanging out with Mark than I would ever admit to anyone, but I began to get a bit worried when he hadn’t texted me by 7 PM Friday night.

I didn’t want to text him and sound needy, but I also didn’t have any other plans and was rather lonely in my big apartment all by myself. 

By 9:30 PM I’d given up, but my heart leaped against my will when my phone pinged at 9:45 PM.

However, it wasn’t Mark. It was a guy from work I’d befriended, named Alex.

**Alex: You got any plans this evening?**

**Me: Thought I did, but I’m gonna assume they got cancelled.**

**Alex: Dope. I mean, not dope, but if you’re free, would you wanna come with me to this cute little bar downtown? It’d just be you and me, but it’s totally cool if you’d rather stay in.**

**Me: Nah, it’s kinda lonely staying in by myself. What time would you be by to get me?**

**Alex: Pretty sure you live 2 floors below me, right?**

**Me: Yup, but I’m nowhere near ready for a night out.**

**Alex: LOL, okay. How does half an hour sound?**

**Me: Perfect. I’ll see you soon.**

I put my phone on the charger and headed upstairs to start getting ready. I supposed, I told myself, that I shouldn’t have been surprised—Mark had been pulling this kind of thing for the past four years. But the fact that he was doing it after sounding so earnest about wanting to fix shit—that shit hurt.

So, I got myself together—as much as I could, anyway—and made my way back downstairs just as someone started knocking on my door.

Checking through the peephole, it was indeed Alex—so I swung the door open with a smile. 

“Hi—oh, you look good,” Alex said, his breath catching. “A-are you ready to go?”

I smiled again as I pulled the door closed behind me. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

We headed to the cutest bar I’d ever seen. It couldn’t even really be classified as a bar—it was more like a tiny country club.

Alex paid for our drinks—against my wishes, of course, and slid mine over to me with a smile. “I don’t mean for this to feel like a date,” he said apologetically. “I really did ask other people to tag along. I guess other people make plans more ahead of time.”

I chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

He smiled a little wider, stirring the ice in his drink around.

“So, what cancelled plans did you have this evening, miss y/n?” Alex asked. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

I sighed. “Oh, it was no big deal, I guess. Just an old friend who never texted me to actually make plans the way he said he would.”

“Oh, so you held out for tentative plans that fell through,” Alex said understandingly. “That sucks. But I’m glad you could make it to hang with me, at least.”

I nodded, my smile returning. “You’re pretty much my only other work friend right now,” I said with a laugh.

Alex chuckled. “Well, I feel like you’d be good friends with Oliver down the hall, but he’s got such a huge crush on you he can’t hardly walk past your office without passing out.”

I rolled my eyes. “So I’ve heard. I’ve been there two weeks and he’s spoken to me twice, how has he had the time to fall in love with me?”

Alex laughed. “He’s an odd one, Oliver.”

We spent the next three hours just talking and laughing and consuming a few more drinks. By the time we left, I was much happier than I had been when I’d entered the bar. I wasn’t plastered, but I was certainly fuzzy.

I was grateful that we had decided to Uber back and forth, it made for a lot less hassle.

He walked me to my door, making sure I got in safely.

Alex looked at me as I started to move around him to unlock my door, before putting his hand on my face and leaning in to kiss me softly.

“Goodnight, y/n,” he murmured as he pulled away. “Thanks for agreeing to spend some time with me tonight.”

And I couldn’t help myself—the smile on my face didn’t leave until I was already in bed.

(Mark’s POV)

I rolled over slowly, peeling my eyes open to see the clock.

3:58 AM. 

I shot up, looking over to see Amy sleeping peacefully. Her bare back rose and fell in a rhythm, much unlike the frantic hammering of my heart.

I picked up my phone to see no notifications from y/n. I had one post notification from her, but no texts or missed calls. 

I felt horrible. And I knew I deserved to. Letting Amy come over would never have ended well, and I knew that. And yet I still had sex with her, and then fell asleep.

I opened y/n’s Instagram post, and felt even worse.

It was a photo of her and a guy I assumed she knew from work. She had him tagged, so I decided to go through his profile while I was at it.

He was very clearly single, which was expressed by the fact every woman he posted a photo with was either his mother or one of his sisters (yes, I read the captions).

So, I went back to y/n’s post, having forgotten to read her caption.

**@theunforgettableyn: here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the people we’ll never forget. // thanks for rescuing me, alex, being alone is lonely sometimes. <3**

I had half a mind to comment something, but I knew better. I would text her at a time later than 4:06 AM, once Amy had left my apartment.

I rubbed a hand over my face, wondering how I’d manage to fix this in the morning. It was just another one of my fuckups, my subconscious reminded me. I didn’t know why y/n bothered to stay around.

9 AM came way too quickly for me. I woke Amy up, much to her displeasure, and refused to answer her questions as I packed her up and ushered her out.

“This was a bad idea,” I said finally. “We broke up, you shouldn’t be back here.”

Amy snickered. “That isn’t what you were saying last night,” she said smarmily.

“Because I was horny,” I said bluntly. “I don’t think we should do this again.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

I stepped out the door with her, mainly to make sure she _actually_ left – and locked eyes with the one person I had hoped to not see.

Y/N stood frozen in the middle of the hallway, making eye contact with me and then with Amy.

“What’re you looking at?” Amy snapped.

Y/N started. “N-nothing, I—”

“Who even are you?” she continued, dropping the overnight bag I knew y/n had noticed.

“I’m just Mark’s neighbor, I’m—”

“Oh, but you know his name?” she barked far too loudly.

“Amy, fifteen million people know my name,” I said, taking Amy’s arm and trying to guide her back. “Y/N isn’t special.”

My heart fell into my stomach as I realized I’d said her name.

“_Y/N?_” Amy screeched. Y/N took a step back, but Amy whirled on me.

“The stupid bitch you couldn’t get over the entire time we were together is your _neighbor_ now?”

“Don’t call her that,” I growled. “And don’t act like I planned this. I had no clue any of this was happening.”

Amy folded her arms. “But you still cheated on me.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, and she stepped forward. “I moved here after you two had broken up,” she snapped, her eyes flashing.

“Shut the hell up, this isn’t your business,” Amy retorted. 

“You keep dropping my name, it’s _entirely_ my business,” y/n snarled. “Before I moved here, Mark and I hadn’t spoken in _four years_. The night I saw him for the first time is the night he told me you two broke up. And unless he’s changed drastically, the Mark I know would _never_ cheat on anyone.”

Amy cackled maniacally. “Oh, because you know Mark _so_ much better,” she said dramatically. “Let me give you a reality check, sweetie—while he was ignoring you, he was fucking me. While he wasn’t responding to your desperate-ass texts, I was sucking his dick. While you weren’t taking a _goddamn_ hint, I was making him happier than you ever did, can, or will. Take note, honey—I’m the one person you’ll _always_ lose to.”

“Amy, we are _broken up_,” I yelled, finally forcibly pulling her back. “Get out of here—nobody talks to my friends like that. Especially not my ex-girlfriends.”

Amy huffed. “Whatever. I’ll be back in two weeks anyway—you can’t resist me.”

“_**Go**_,” I snarled through gritted teeth.

She shrugged and picked up her bag and left. I waited until she was in the elevator before I turned back to y/n.

But y/n was already gone.

I went straight to her door and knocked. I wasn’t surprised to get no answer. I waited for ten minutes and knocked three more times—before I finally heard a faint “go away” from the other side of the door.

“Come on, y/n, she won’t come back. I’m sorry,” I nearly whined.

The door flew open, revealing y/n with red eyes and tear streaks down her face. “It doesn’t matter,” she snapped. “Every word Amy said was true. You chose her over me for four years, and even after claiming to want me back in your life, you chose her over me last night. I’m not going to get in between whatever it is you two have going on. You made your choice. Goodbye, Mark.”

“Wait, no!” I yelled, but the door was already shut.

I stumbled back against the wall, sliding down to the floor in shock. I sat for fifteen minutes before I managed to pull myself back up.

I stumbled back to my apartment, shutting the door and pulling out my phone. There was nothing on the screen but a text from Amy herself, containing nothing but three kissy face emojis.

Anger filled me so quickly it almost surprised me. Amy had single-handedly ruined my only chance at _anything_ with y/n, and she seemed to be proud of it.

I didn’t even send a response. I pulled Amy up everywhere I had her and hit the block button without so much as a moment of hesitation. 

I threw my phone onto the couch, letting my head fall into my hands.

How was I going to fix this one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!!
> 
> you might notice I've changed the archive warning setting for this story, and you'll see why in a couple chapters. i will explain it in the chapter for which i changed the setting, but for now i'll leave it as is.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter! i really like creating character drama, in case you can't tell.


	11. Taking a Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date with Alex goes horribly awry, and this pushes you back into Mark's arms.
> 
> **IMPORTANT A/N: THIS CHAPTER IS THE REASON I CHANGED THE WARNING SETTING. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VIVID DESCRIPTION OF ATTEMPTED RAPE. I will mark it when it begins and ends should you wish to skip that part. The specific part where it happens is not essential to the plot, but it is essential to know that it happens because it does set the atmosphere and push the plot forward. Thank you**

ONE MONTH LATER

(Y/N’s POV)

I’d managed to go a month without talking to or seeing Mark. I wanted to, sure, but I knew it would be much easier for me to move on from a clearly unsalvageable friendship if I didn’t see or have contact with him.

I’d gotten much closer to Alex, too, and I was beginning to hope we could become a little more than friends.

It was a lovely Friday night, and Alex had come back to my place after dinner and a movie, and we sat on the couch enjoying some drinks and talking to each other.

We kept scooting closer and closer to each other until we were practically touching each other, and Alex’s crooked smile grew a little wider.

“You’re so beautiful, y/n,” he said softly, putting a hand on my cheek. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?”

“Yes, but you’re the only one who’s mattered,” I said with a giggle.

“You’re just so pretty,” he mumbled as he leaned in to kiss me.

I kissed him back, the kisses soft and gentle. His hand traveled down to my waist, and I leaned farther into him as the kisses deepened slightly.

His hand darted up my shirt, but that’s when I jerked away.

“Alex, stop,” I said, trying to pull his hand down. “I’m not comfortable with that.”

“Don’t be such a little bitch,” he snapped. “You’ve gotten me all worked up, you can’t just blue-ball me now.”

“Alex, I said no,” I repeated as I backed away from him.

His eyes flashed with anger as he grabbed my legs and pulled me back towards him. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to shut you up.”

** IT BEGINS HERE **

I struggled to stop him as he pulled my shirt off, but once it was off, he grabbed my wrists and held them down against the couch. My heart began to pound heavily, and my eyes filled with tears.

“Stop, Alex,” I begged. “You’re hurting me.”

“I said shut up,” he repeated as he shoved my shirt into my mouth.

I started trying to scream as he attempted to unbutton my pants with one hand, and that’s when he smacked me across the face. “The faster you cooperate the faster it’ll be over with,” he growled. “Just be a good girl and shut the fuck up.”

Hot tears streamed down my face as I tried to shove my shirt out of my mouth with my tongue, but to no avail. I could barely breathe at this point, and my vision was beginning to blur.

He had my pants off when he sat up enough to pull what I assumed was a condom out of his pocket, and that’s when I brought my leg up into his groin.

He yelped as he rolled off me, holding onto his crotch as I scrambled up off the couch. I grabbed my pants and hurried to pull them on before running out of my apartment, grateful my phone hadn’t come out of my pants pocket.

** IT ENDS HERE **

I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I ran straight to Mark’s apartment, banging on the door with as much force as I could muster.

He opened within seconds, and his eyes widened when he saw me.

“Y/N?” he asked. “Why don’t you have a shirt on?”

“Please let me in, I think he’s going to come after me,” I begged, and his eyes flashed with panic as he pulled me inside and shut the door.

“Who the hell is coming after you?” he said, and the tears started up all over again.

“A-Alex, he tried to—to—” I stopped speaking as I began to hyperventilate.

“Y/N, do I need to call the police?” Mark asked, already reaching for his phone.

I nodded. “Please, please, get him out,” I begged as I sank down to the floor.

I continued to hyperventilate as Mark explained what he knew to the police. I heard footsteps running up and down the hall outside Mark’s apartment and I knew in my gut that it was Alex.

Once Mark got off the phone, he left the room for a few moments, coming back with a black t-shirt.

“Here,” he said, crouching down to where I was to hand it to me. “I don’t want you half-naked when the cops get here, and I definitely don’t want you leaving this apartment until they get here.”

I nodded as I pulled it on, and he sat down next to me and pulled me closer as I continued to cry. “Y/N, what happened to you?” he whispered.

“We—we went on a date,” I stuttered, trying my best to stop myself from dissolving into a full-blown panic attack. “We started making out after getting back to my place, but when he stuck his hand up my shirt, I told him to stop, and that’s when he forced me down onto the couch and started taking my clothes off. He got my shirt and pants off before I kicked him in the nuts, and that’s how I got out of it.”

“Jesus Christ,” Mark breathed. We heard footsteps running back towards my apartment, and Mark looked at me. “You stay here, if it’s him I’ll take care of him. Legally,” he added at the end, as he watched my eyes widen in fear.

He left for only a few moments, but I heard a loud thump that I hoped and prayed wasn’t a sign of Mark being injured.

Seconds later I heard voices yelling “GET ON THE GROUND, BOTH OF YOU NOW!” and I jumped up and ran to the door. I pulled it open to see four police officers with tasers pointed at Mark and Alex, and Mark had Alex’s arms pinned behind his back and was crouching over Alex’s back.

“I’m just trying to keep him from running, officer,” Mark explained as he slowly climbed off Alex. “He’s the one we called in to report.”

One of the officers turned and saw me trembling in the doorway to Mark’s apartment. “Are you the one he tried to assault?”

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Can we ask you some questions while we take this guy downtown?”

I nodded again.

Two of the officers cuffed Alex and took him away, and the other two came inside Mark’s apartment with Mark and me.

“Walk us through the events if you can,” the officer instructed, and I took a deep breath and recounted everything Alex had done as best as I could, hoping they didn’t notice how badly I was shaking.

After twenty minutes of their questions, they assured me Alex would be kept in custody for awhile before they finally left.

I put my head in my hands in defeat once they were gone, my head pounding from the force of the crying that I’d been doing.

“Sorry I dragged you into this,” I said finally, but Mark shook his head forcefully.

“I wouldn’t have been able to protect you if you hadn’t,” he said firmly. “I’d do it a million times over if it means you’re safe.”

I sighed shakily. “I don’t think I can go back to my apartment tonight,” I said quietly.

Mark stood up immediately. “You can stay here,” he offered. “You can have the bed.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can sleep alone,” I mumbled. “But you—I haven’t—we’re barely on speaking terms.”

Mark sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I know that having Amy over again was a bad choice. I think I got scared that I’d screw up again, and I think that expecting it to happen made it come true. I shouldn’t have even talked to Amy. The day she left my apartment, I blocked her everywhere I had her. It’s completely over for good, I swear.”

I sighed. “Alright,” I said, conceding. It wasn’t like I had any other friends to stay with, anyway. 

He helped me stand up, making sure not to touch anything but my arms. I looked up at him as he watched me with concern in his eyes, before launching myself into him.

“Thank you,” I said through tears, hugging him tightly. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t let me in.”

Mark held me tighter at those words. “I don’t want to think about the hypothetical, y/n,” he said quietly. “Let’s just get you to bed.”

I shed my jeans again when I got to his room and climbed into his bed, curling up in the blankets and burrowing in as deeply as I could. 

“Goodnight, y/n,” Mark said as I tried to go to sleep. “Sleep well.”

(Mark’s POV)

1 AM came and went.

2 AM came and went.

3 AM came and went, and I could tell she was still tossing and turning.

She’d kept me awake due to her being unable to settle down, but I didn’t want her to know that. She would randomly start shaking at different points, and I could hear her crying on and off too.

At 4:18 AM, I rolled over and sat up. “Y/N, are you okay?”

The quiet sniffling I had heard stopped abruptly, and she didn’t answer, presumably to make me think she was asleep.

“I know you’re not asleep, y/n, I heard you crying.”

She rolled over finally, and I couldn’t see her face very well, but I knew it was probably swollen.

“No,” she said, her voice cracking. “I can’t sleep.”

I sighed. “Do you wanna come here?”

“Would you mind?”

“Of course not, that’s why I offered. Come here.”

She scooted over until she was in my arms, and I felt her relax as I essentially wrapped myself around her.

“You can go to sleep, baby,” I said quietly as I kissed her head. “I’ll be here all night.”

I watched the minutes tick by on the clock on my nightstand, and by 4:27 she was already asleep.

I sighed in relief as I hugged her more tightly to myself. I knew she wasn’t mine, and after the shit I’d pulled she’d probably never be mine, but I couldn’t have been more grateful to have her where she was at that moment, safe, in my arms, and sleeping soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way I was going to write an actual rape scene. I've done rape scenes before in other stories, but I only make sure it's obvious that it happened. I can't write descriptive rape scenes. It'd be too triggering for anyone who chose to read it. I chose to change the warning setting to "Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings" because it's attempted rape and not actual rape, but I know I will still need to warn you guys if a particularly descriptive scene comes up.
> 
> As far as the plot goes right now, that's the only descriptive assault scene I have planned. I'm not going to disclose whether or not Alex comes back later on, but I'll definitely warn you in chapter summaries and in the chapters themselves if descriptive scenes like that show up. I know they can be triggering and the last thing I want to do is cause someone's panic attack. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway! I know it's shorter than most, but I tried continuing it and the scene after they woke up felt so forced and fake, I just took the whole thing out and started a new chapter. Hopefully that'll be up Friday or Saturday.
> 
> Have a good Thanksgiving!! Much love to everyone reading and enjoying this!! <3


	12. Making Amends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after. Mark doesn't leave your side.

(Mark’s POV)

The morning after we woke up was…awkward, to say the least. I couldn’t even really call it a morning—neither of us woke up until 2:30 that afternoon. I woke up after she did, I rolled over to see an empty other side of the bed. I rolled out of bed, rubbing my eyes and pulling on a pair of sweatpants that were lying by the bed.

I smelled coffee as I trudged down to the kitchen, only to be met with y/n, in my shirt, no pants, sitting at the counter with a mug of coffee in her hands. Her hair was a mess, and I could tell she’d been crying.

“Are you doing better today?” I asked quietly, though she still jumped.

She shrugged, sipping the coffee. “I don’t know about better,” she said simply. “But I do know we need to talk.”

My stomach sank. I hated having to talk. At least this time I knew what it was about.

I sighed, then nodded. “I know.” I poured my own mug of coffee, grateful she’d brewed enough for two cups, then leaned on the counter across from her, and looked her in the eyes.

“You need to know how hurt I was when you either forgot or deliberately ignored the fact that we were supposed to have plans that Friday,” she started. “Literally, that’s the first night I ever went out with Alex.”

My heart stopped. None of this would’ve happened if my dumbass had kept Amy out of the picture. I felt so stupid. One night of lapsed judgement for a few minutes of pleasure and it cost y/n her dignity.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, trying to fight the tears welling in my eyes. “I know I’m dumb, and I know I shouldn’t have done this. I know I hurt you, and that I don’t deserve you back in my life. But even if you don’t want to fix things anymore, you can know I’ll always be here for you if you need someone.”

Y/N shook her head. “That’s the problem, Mark,” she said as she stood from her stool. “I keep letting myself go back to you, and then you hurt me. It’s like I feed off it or something. I don’t like being hurt, and I go into this shit knowing I’ll get hurt, but I keep coming back to you. And I can’t stop myself from doing that.”

I sighed. “I can’t make your choices for you, y/n,” I said slowly. “But I will promise to do better this time.”

“That’s what you said last time, Mark,” she sighed as she put her empty mug in the sink. “But for whatever reason, I’m going to let you try again. But this is it. You push me out, push me away, ignore me, pick your ex-girlfriend over me, and I’m done. I’m out. I’ll request an apartment move. I’m serious.”

I nodded. I knew she probably thought she was asking too much, but we’d been friends since we were in middle school. She shouldn’t have had to ask me to prioritize our friendship.

“I know,” was all I could reply with.

She sighed. “I have to go back in there at some point. Will you go with me?”

I hopped up. “Absolutely. You don’t have to ask.”

She went upstairs to put her pants back on, and then we slowly made our way back into her apartment.

It was chaos, but the chaos had been left untouched. Y/N’s wrinkled shirt lay strewn on the coffee table, along with what I assumed was Alex’s shirt on the floor next to the table.

“I—” y/n covered her mouth and bolted for the bathroom. I could hear her throwing up, and instead of overstepping boundaries and going in there with her, I grabbed a trash bag, threw on her dish gloves, and put all the clothes from the floor in the bag and everything Alex had broken in his attempt to get y/n’s clothes off in another.

Y/N came down a few minutes later, pulling her hair back in a ponytail. She had new clothes on, and her jeans in her hand. When I held out the trash bag, she dropped them in without even looking.

“Sorry you had to, uh…hear that,” she said sheepishly. “But my hands are washed, and my teeth are brushed, so I’m alright.”

I dropped the trash bag and pulled her in for a hug again, dish gloves and all.

I felt her tears before I heard them, and her arms wrapped around me more tightly than I think I’d ever felt them.

We stood there, the two of us, for six minutes. Just me, in her bright pink dish gloves, holding her to my chest as she let everything out. When she finally pulled away there were tears all over her face, and she hurried to wipe them off as she turned around and surveyed the cleaning I’d done.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I…I think I should go out for a bit.”

“Do you want to go down to the beach?” I asked.

Her eyes grew a bit lighter when I mentioned that, and she nodded.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

(Y/N’s POV)

The free therapy that sitting on the beach offered was far better than I had expected. In forcing myself to clear my head of anything but the sound of the waves, my heart rate finally fell to a normal speed for the first time in what felt like forever. Knowing Mark was right beside me and wouldn’t let anything happen to me was an added comfort, his presence alone made me feel ten times safer.

“I know that this probably isn’t the best time to bring this up,” Mark began, as I opened my eyes for the first time since lying down.

“As long as it doesn’t relate to Alex, I don’t care,” I mumbled honestly, placing an arm over my eyes.

“I…I’m not over you, y/n,” he said, and I sat up and looked at him.

“What?”

“I can’t let our friendship return to anything like what it was without you knowing that. I don’t want to lead you on or think I don’t return anything you might feel. But anything I had with Amy…everything I had with Amy…wouldn’t compare to what I know I would have with you. You’re still the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And should the fates be lucky enough to fully give you to me, I wouldn’t ever fuck up again. Well, I’ll fuck up, but I’ll never choose anyone over you again. You’ll be my number one, now and forever.”

“Mark, I was almost assaulted last night,” I breathed. “I can’t think of doing anything beyond platonic friendship right now.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he blurted, his ears turning red. “Not that I won’t ever ask you to…but I still need you to be aware of how I feel about you. I don’t want to lie, and I feel like being as open as possible with you will help you grow to trust me again. I love you, y/n, and I’m sorry I ever let you go.”

I nodded. “I appreciate the sentiment, Mark. I truly do. But like I said, it’s friends first, and maybe only friends ever. My mother doesn’t even know I’ve seen you, let alone talked to you. I’ve been out here almost two months already and she hasn’t heard head nor tail of you.”

He shrugged. “I figured. I’d be hesitant to tell anyone I was letting someone who’d hurt me so badly back into my life.”

He looked at me, and I knew he could see the sadness in my eyes. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he said again, running a hand through his hair. “I wish I knew what to do to make everything up to you. I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“I know you would,” I said, looking over the waves crashing into the sand a dozen feet away from us. “That’s why I’m giving you another chance, to prove you’d do anything. I’m not going to make you do anything extravagant, of course. But you have to know how long it’s going to take for me to really be willing to go any farther with you.”

He nodded again. “I know it’ll be awhile. But I think you’re worth the wait, ten times over.”

I smiled slightly as I laid back down on my towel. “Thank you, Mark.” 

Silence enveloped us again, and the sound of waves on the shore was the only thing I heard for a while.

My thoughts started running too far away, dreams of a future with someone solid dancing through my head. 

As I slowly drifted into a dozing sleep, I couldn’t help but slightly hope that maybe that someone solid would end up being the man who sat next to me, watching the ocean and her movements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter but I hope you like it anyway.
> 
> I'm on Christmas break, so I'm hoping to get a couple new chapters cranked out before I go back on the 5th of January. But I have Christmas shopping and Christmas celebrations and textbook shopping to take care of. So we'll have to see. But i'm hoping you're enjoying the story as it is anyway!! <3


	13. Criminal Charges and Sleepy People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets sentenced. You and Mark have a quiet evening together--are you still just friends?

(Mark’s POV)

The next couple of weeks both flew by and dragged by. We had to report Alex to HR, especially since he was still in custody the first business day after he assaulted y/n. We were told he would be fired (and informed of it), and that by itself, I could tell was a huge relief to y/n. At the same time, beginning to be friends again was terrifying. I loved the girl to death, but shit got awkward way more often than I expected it to.

Finally, the day Alex was to be sentenced arrived. He’d already been convicted, and I knew y/n awaited the sentence with bated breath. I knew she was gunning for prison time, but I was worried that’s not what he would be handed.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, both of us were correct.

Since the judge ruled it a Class B misdemeanor, Alex was handed four months in prison and one year on probation. Y/N was also granted a permanent restraining order, which she’d applied for separately, and although I knew she was disappointed in his sentence, she was grateful for at least a returned feeling of security.

Y/N’s job even provided her with a new couch, telling y/n they wanted her to feel as at home in her home as she could, and that they hoped knowing she never again had to touch a surface on which she was violated would be a step in the right direction.

“Your company does more for one person than YouTube’s done for all its creators combined,” I commented as I drove the two of us to a nearby restaurant for dinner.

“I know,” she said with a slight smile. “It’s nice to know I’m so taken care of. These guys take assault really seriously.”

“I know you were disappointed with his sentence,” I began, and she frowned as she nodded in agreement. “But think of it this way: he’ll be jobless when he gets out in four months, and he will also have lost the apartment Animatink undoubtedly provided for him. So, he’ll be jobless, homeless, and nearly broke by the time he gets out of prison, and he’ll have to try and get a job with a criminal record.”

She nodded. “It makes me happier than it should, I’ll admit.” She sighed. “I’m just glad I don’t have to work with him anymore.”

I reached over and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m glad too.”

We reached the restaurant moments later, and I hurried around to help her out of the car.

“Thanks, Mark,” she said, smiling adorably. My heart skipped a beat, but I reminded myself we were still just friends. And a painful little voice in my head pinged in with “_that’s probably all you’ll ever be._”

Like I needed that.

Dinner was fine, save for the silence I kept wanting to break but never did. We made it back to her apartment a little after eight—the sun was just beginning its descent over the horizon.

Y/N went to her bedroom to change out of her nice clothes (the one’s she’d worn to the sentencing) and I stayed behind to watch the sun over the water.

I turned around when I heard her return and the breath was nearly knocked out of me.

There she stood, her California tan shining through. Her white top hung off one shoulder, which I presumed it was supposed to do. Her black, frayed shorts hung just above her knee, and her beautiful hair was down from its ponytail, curled from the hair tie and free to do what it pleased. 

“I—wow,” I breathed as she sat down on the couch.

“What?” she asked innocently as she looked up at me.

“I—nothing,” I blurted. “You just look really pretty in that outfit.”

She blushed and tried to avert her gaze. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

I smiled down at her from where she sat. She picked up a book and laid down, opening to where her bookmark had held her place. 

“Mind if I sit down?” I asked.

“No, go ahead,” she said with a smile.

I did, heading to her feet. I touched her legs to signal her to lift them up, and she jumped.

“Oh, shit—I’m sorry,” I said quickly, but she shook her head.

“No, I’m sorry,” she said as she moved her legs so I could sit down. “I don’t mean to be so jumpy and scared.”

“It’s alright,” I reassured her as I sat down. “I’d be more worried if you weren’t a bit jumpy. It’ll take some getting used to, being touched by other people. I should’ve asked out loud instead of touching you, I’m sorry.”

She sighed and put her legs on my lap, something I hadn’t expected but wasn’t going to complain about. “I just started seeing this new therapist, and she said that since I haven’t really sustained any other trauma, that this should be easy to work through. I’m hoping I can start moving on quickly. I’d like to be more open to being touched by people. It’s bound to happen, whether I’m expecting it or not. Normal physical touch is something I have to be able to handle. But I’m still allowed to have boundaries.”

I nodded. “Is that what she said, and you’re just saying it with ‘I’ pronouns?”

She giggled. “How did you know?”

I laughed, before pulling out my laptop. I was getting back into the swing of YouTube things, and I was gearing up to restart my regular schedule the next week. I’d stockpiled a few videos that I’d posted here and there, but I was getting schedules together to film a couple collabs with Tyler and Ethan. I’d also planned to film a video talking about why Amy and I broke up.

I’d been working for the better part of an hour when I looked over and realized y/n was asleep. I knew she hadn’t been sleeping well ever since everything happened, and it warmed my heart to see she was sleeping so soundly now. I saved my work, closed my laptop, and moved to pick her up. She didn’t stir until I set her on her bed, when her eyes opened just a bit and she reached out for me.

“Y/N, I’m Mark,” I reminded her.

“I know, I don’t wanna be alone,” she mumbled as she turned over.

“Are you in comfy clothes?” I asked, moving towards her dresser.

“No,” she said, sitting up with a frown on her face. Even in her sleepy, grumpy state, she was still the cutest girl I’d ever seen.

“Okay, what do you want to change into?” I asked.

“The black t-shirt I stole from you and the pink shorts,” she said, rubbing at her eyes and yawning.

I found those quickly, handing them to her and turning around while she changed. It was a temptation, to be sure, but I didn’t want to be thrown out of her apartment.

Once she was snuggled in her covers, she reached out for me again, and this time I obliged, shedding my pants and crawling in beside her.

She wasted no time in snuggling right up beside me, causing my heart rate to skyrocket immediately.

“Goodnight Mark,” she said quietly, yawning through the whole sentence. “Thanks for being here to protect me.”

I placed an arm around her body as I situated myself to be more comfortable. “Of course,” I responded. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

It might’ve only been 9:30 PM, but that was the quickest I ever fell asleep and the deepest I ever slept.

(Y/N’s POV)

Saturday morning dawned grey and rainy. I dragged myself out of bed to cook some breakfast, only slightly embarrassed at what sleepy me had caused between Mark and myself.

I whipped up some eggs and sausages, adding a muffin from the box of muffins that I’d bought earlier in the week.

I was about done cooking when Mark ambled down, wearing nothing but boxers and his t-shirt. I tried so hard not to look, but he looked so good. I knew I wasn’t entirely ready for a relationship with him, and that jumping into one wouldn’t be healthy for me, but God did I want to be ready.

“I’ve got videos to record today,” he said slowly as he joined me at the table, looking with hungry eyes at the plate I set before him. “Are you going to be okay on your own for a few hours?”

I nodded. “I need to get used to being alone anyway. Besides, I have work of my own to do. I have to review and send in a written opinion report on the newest episode of this show they just debuted on Cartoon Network. Apparently, they need ‘feedback’ or something,” I said with a chuckle.

Mark nodded. “Okay. I’ll take off after breakfast here then, and I’ll text you when I’m done. Does that sound good?”

“Yep, I’ll be here,” I responded with a smile.

We ate our breakfast in silence, then Mark helped me clean up, pulled his pants back on, and was gone.

I tried to busy myself once I’d gotten the only work I had to do done for the day. I vacuumed the carpet, cleaned the bathroom, and took all the trash in my apartment out. I even read a whole eight chapters of the book I’d been reading, and then I think I took a nap. I know I dozed off, but I didn’t remember what time I fell asleep and therefore didn’t know how long I’d been asleep when I woke up.

But when I did wake up, I was 15 minutes late on responding to a text from Mark.

**Mark: I’m done working for the day. Wanna come over and play some video games?**

I’d never been more excited to respond ‘yes’ to a text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another chapter! this one's short too, but when i feel like a chapter is good to end where it does, it just feels better than trying to force content just to meet a word count goal. it happened sometimes in my other story, Stranger Danger (check that one out btw) and it kind of ruined the atmosphere of the chapter sometimes. when scenes get dragged on they start feeling and sounding fake, and i'm very much a quality over quantity type of person.
> 
> anyway, the chapters might be shorter but i'm cranking a lot out! i'm already halfway through the next chapter and i'll make sure it's posted once i'm done writing/editing it.
> 
> if the charge/sentencing thing is inaccurate though, i tried my best. i know alex got sentenced lightly and it may turn out that his character hasn't made its final exit. but i did do my research (and my dad is an attorney) so hopefully i was as accurate as i could be.
> 
> love y'all! thanks for reading/enjoying/giving kudos/writing comments! i may not respond to all of them but i read all of them and i appreciate all of them!!! <3


	14. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark play some video games, then hit the town, then end the day on a lookout cliff.

(Mark’s POV)

Y/N showed up twenty minutes after my text sent, in a green Army sweatshirt and black leggings. Her hair was a mess, but then again, she also looked like she’d just woken up.

“Did I wake you up?” I asked as she pulled her wild hair up into a large bun on top of her head.

“No, I missed your text entirely,” she said with a laugh. “But I’m still here to kick your ass at whatever game we decide to play.”

“How are you gonna come in here and kick my ass at Minecraft?” I said jokingly, and she laughed loudly.

“Friendly fire is a requirement for my games,” she responded, causing me to laugh in return.

We ended up settling on Super Smash Bros, and unfortunately, she did, in fact, kick my ass for most of the games. Then I suggested we call up Bob & Tyler for an online game of Prop Hunt.

Of course, we ended up just talking to each other, as it had been literal years since our whole group had been together.

Before we knew it, it was 7 PM and we hadn’t eaten a thing all day.

“You wanna go get food, y/n?” I asked, and I didn’t fail to notice the sly look Bob and Tyler gave each other.

“Sounds good,” she said, stretching. “I’m hungry anyway.” 

“We need to actually play games next time,” Bob said with a laugh, and y/n nodded. “It’s a date,” she said with a smile.

We shut down Skype and headed to In-N-Out, grabbing the biggest burgers they had on the menu. 

We laughed all throughout dinner, and I couldn’t help but feel like it was just like old times. I allowed myself to imagine, just for a moment, that we were back in high school, and none of the dumb shit I pulled had ever happened.

We got back in the car, our stomachs full, and sat there for a few minutes before I turned the car on. The sun was just beginning to set, and it sparked an idea for me.

“You wanna go somewhere besides home?” I asked, and her eyes lit up with curiosity. 

“Definitely.”

(Y/N’s POV)

The drive was longer than I expected it to be, but when Mark pulled up to one of the most beautiful overlook scenes I’d ever seen, it made the whole thing worth it.

“Wow,” I breathed out as he turned the ignition off.

“I’ve never come out here with anyone else,” Mark admitted. “I’ve only actually been here once, a week after I moved out here. I was a whole-ass tourist and I wanted to see all the sights before I started working again. My first thought was that I wanted to bring you out here, and now it’s finally happened.”

My heart swelled, and I couldn’t help but smile. I gazed out of the windshield over the gorgeous sky, the oranges and pinks swirling together like nothing I’d ever seen before.

“Let’s take some pictures,” I said, pulling my phone out and climbing out of his car. Mark followed me, standing just behind me as I snapped a few (dozen) pictures of the setting sun.

I turned then, motioning him to come up closer to me as I switched the camera around. “Smile,” I said simply, before snapping a few photos of the two of us.

I changed the angle a bit before going to take another photo, snapping it just as Mark planted a kiss on my cheek.

I turned around to him, and I couldn’t quite tell what emotion was in his eyes. It melted into relief as I started to laugh, and I stepped forward to wrap my arms around his torso. 

His arms wrapped around me in response, and he rested his chin on my head. “That one’s going on the ’gram,” I said with a laugh.

“Absolutely not,” he said, reaching to grab my phone. I twisted out of his grip and hid my phone, laughing the whole time.

“Y/N!” he yelled playfully as I ran to the other side of his car.

“You gotta promise you won’t post it!” he said, chasing me around his whole car.

“I can’t promise anything!” I squealed, right before tripping over a tree root I hadn’t seen and faceplanting into the dirt.

“Jesus fuck!” I heard him yell as I sat up, more embarrassed than hurt.

“Are you okay?” he cried, sitting down beside me, examining me for cuts or other injuries.

“Yeah,” I said with a chuckle. “I just wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Clearly,” he said with a smile, helping me stand to my feet.

He started to push my hair out of my face, checking my forehead and face for injuries. He sighed as he planted his hands on the sides of my face. “At least promise me you’ll be more careful, then?” he said, nothing but concern filling his brown eyes.

“I promise,” I said with a smile. “But you have to remember, Mark, you’re asking this of the same girl who wore Crocs to prom and still ended up tripping and twisting her ankle.”

Mark laughed. “Yeah, that’s valid.”

We stood there a few more moments, his hands on my face, just staring into each other’s eyes. Before I realized what was happening, Mark leaned in and kissed me softly, and my hands flew up to hold onto his wrists, letting myself sort of just melt into his touch.

After what felt like nowhere near long enough, he pulled away, resting his forehead on mine.

“Was that okay?” he asked quietly, his hands coming down to rest on my shoulders.

I nodded as much as I could, unable to really say anything. The thoughts swirling in my head were too confusing even for me, there wasn’t any way I could make them make sense by vocalizing them.

The sun had almost completely set by the time we got back in the car, and still we sat there, just looking over the horizon as it finally disappeared for the night.

We drove back in silence, although the silence wasn’t uncomfortable.

Mark didn’t say a word until we were back in the parking garage.

“What does this mean, then?” he asked finally. “That whole kiss thing, I mean.”

I sighed. “I don’t know, Mark,” I admitted. “I’d need time to think, you know? I don’t know.”

He nodded. “I get that. I know you said you wanted to take things slowly and I probably should’ve respected that a bit more.”

“You haven’t seen me complaining about that kiss,” I said with a chuckle. “Best kiss I’ve had in four years now.”

His smile somewhat dimmed at that, and he looked back over at me. “I really hope I can begin to make that shit up to you,” he breathed, running a hand over his face. “I intend to, to the best of my ability.”

“I know, Mark,” I said, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “That’s what this whole second-chance thing is for.”

He nodded. “Let’s head in, then.”

We got up to our floor, and I declined his offer to sleep at his place.

“I’ll call you tomorrow after my therapist appointment,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself as he unlocked his own door. “We’ll see what happens.”

“One day at a time,” Mark said with a slight smile.

I nodded, returning a bigger smile. “One day at a time.”

And even though I didn’t actually go to bed for three hours after that, the tingling feeling from his lips on mine never really went away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spring semester starts off with a kick in the balls and too much homework to manage for weeks straight. i feel so bad about taking so long.
> 
> also i got my first 'hate' comment? i tried to make the scene realistic, which is why i loosely based it off of my own experience. and i wasn't trying to make y/n imply that her going out with alex was mark's fault. you'll notice that part is in mark's point of view. y/n never says it was his fault she went out with him. mark just realizes that if he hadn't slept with amy that night, y/n wouldn't have gone out with alex, and that he feels like he could've prevented the snowball effect that led to y/n getting assaulted. it obviously isn't his fault that y/n went out with alex, and y/n never says that, but he feels like he could've prevented it and feels bad because of that. that's all there is to it.
> 
> anyway, i'm gonna try to update more often, but i'm kinda stuck on moving the plot forward at the moment. i'll have to cause some drama or something, lol.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this one!! if you'd like to read some other mark stuff while waiting on my slow ass to update disappearing act, you can check out my other book, called 'stranger danger'. that one's fully complete and it's also a mark fanfiction! if you read it, let me know what you think :)


	15. The One with the Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark overhears the wrong part of a conversation you have with your new coworker.

(Y/N’s POV)

Two weeks went by, and all Mark and I did was text each other. Which was fine with the both of us, we were both swamped in our own work. I had my last therapy session, and my therapist told me she was proud of how much progress I’d made in such little time. “Not a lot of people manage to work through trauma so efficiently,” she commended me. “I hope you keep those healthy coping mechanisms up.”

“I plan to,” I said as I stood to exit. “My friends really are my saving grace.”

Finally, Saturday came around again, and I decided to go out with my new coworker, Amelia. She’d just moved into a new apartment at the end of my hall, and desperately needed new decorations. And since I was in want for new décor, I decided we’d go out together.

We ended up spending almost 4 hours in IKEA, thanks mainly to the fact that we kept getting lost. We left with more than enough for the both of our apartments, and we spent the evening making stir fry and hanging up the stuff I’d purchased.

“You wanna come by tomorrow and help me put my shit up?” Amelia said through a mouthful of rice.

“Hell yeah,” I said with a laugh. “It’s the least I can do after you put up all my shit today.”

“That was a piece of cake,” she said with a wave of her hand. “That tapestry is gonna be a bitch though.”

I laughed. “That’s just because you’re tiny.”

“Hey!” she yelled, poking her fork in my direction. “It’s not my fault my parents are both under six feet tall!”

I laughed. “It’s their fault you are, though.”

She threw her napkin at me and stood up to place her plate in my sink. “I feel like we’re gonna be pretty good friends,” she quipped as she rinsed her plate off.

“I hope so,” I responded. “I’ve only got one friend out here so far.”

“Girl, what?” she cried. “You are that bitch at work, how the hell do you not have friends?”

“I don’t really interact with anyone outside of work,” I said with a shrug. “Alex kind of ruined that for me, but I’m working on reopening my walls.”

Amelia nodded. “I know a couple good dudes on the Nickelodeon board. They’re both married. To each other. They’re the funniest sons-of-bitches I’ve ever met. We’ll have to get the four of us together sometime.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said, and she beamed.

A half hour or so later, we were on my couch, each of us with a glass of wine and our stories of boy tragedies seemingly infinite.

I’d just finished telling her about the boyfriend I’d had for six months my sophomore year of college, and she was laughing her ass off.

“No, I’m serious,” I said as I refilled my wine glass for the second time. “He’s so fucking pretentious. He’s always been that way; I can’t believe I ever thought anything good would come out of us being an ‘us.’”

“Jesus,” Amelia said, wiping her eyes. “He’s not still in your life, is he?”

“Unfortunately,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “I never blocked him or anything, because initially he just up and disappeared off the face of the earth, so at first I just kind of let him go. But now he’s back, liking all of my shit and trying to be friends and everything.”

“So, he isn’t directly in your life then,” Amelia stated.

“That’s correct,” I said. “I don’t think he ever got my phone number. We talked pretty exclusively over fucking Messenger, believe it or not.”

Amelia rolled her eyes and refilled her own glass. “What a little bitch,” she said with a chuckle.

I glanced at the clock then, surprised to see it was after 11 o’clock. 

“You wanna just sleep here?” I asked. “I know you’re just down the hall, but I don’t want you getting sick on the way there or anything.”

“Nah, I’ve only had two glasses,” she said as she stretched. “Thanks for the offer though. You wanna come by around noon or something?”

I nodded. “It’s a date.”

She stood from the couch, yawning and taking her empty glass into the kitchen. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bean.”

“Bean?” I asked with a laugh.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, slapping herself in the forehead. “I had a couple coworkers call you the “Coffee Bean” because you make the best coffee on our floor, and I just kinda started referring to you as “The Bean” when I talked about you.”

I laughed. “At least it’s a term of endearment,” and she nodded at that.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, blowing me a kiss as she headed out the door. 

I pulled out my phone, seeing two texts from Mark an hour apart.

**10:12: Plans next Tuesday maybe? I scored some pretty epic tickets to the open mic downtown.**

**11:13: Never mind. I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while. Sorry for bothering you.**

Confused, I tried texting him back, but after an entire 15 minutes, my message still hadn’t delivered. So instead, I brushed my teeth, and tried to go to bed, tossing and turning before finally falling into a restful sleep.

(Mark’s POV)

It’d been a pretty uneventful Saturday. I’d gotten a lot of work done, videos ready to go for after I uploaded my return to YouTube, and my entire apartment cleaned up for good. I found far too many of Amy’s things, and I took way too much pleasure in just throwing them in the garbage.

I made myself dinner and had just settled down with Disney+ at a quarter after ten. I had shot y/n a text about going to an open mic show the following Tuesday, and I was simply waiting for a response while browsing the classic movies section.

My phone rang around 10:30, y/n’s name flashing on the screen. With a smile, I picked it up, but I heard her muffled voice in the background.

I heard laughter before y/n’s voice came through. I almost hung up because I was pretty sure she’d called me accidentally, but what I heard made me stop dead.

“No, I’m serious. He’s so fucking pretentious,” y/n said with a laugh.

_Was she talking about me?_

“He’s always been that way; I can’t believe I ever thought anything good would come out of us being an ‘us.’”

I nearly dropped the phone, but I kept listening, my heart pounding fiercely.

“Jesus,” another voice rang in. “He’s not still in your life, is he?”

_If she says no, it’s not about me._

“Unfortunately,” y/n sighed, and I swear I felt my heart shatter. 

“I never blocked him or anything,” she continued, “because initially he just up and disappeared off the face of the earth, so at first I just kind of let him go. But now he’s back, liking all of my shit and trying to be friends and everything.”

I hung up after that. She’d seemed so happy when we’d hung out the last time—where did everything go wrong? Was it something I said? Posted? Tweeted? Texted? How would I even know? Had she just been pretending to be my friend this whole time?

I ran a hand through my hair and switched off the TV. I wasn’t in the mood for anything Disney anymore.

I pulled out my phone again, the time reading 11:02. I debated for a good ten minutes about whether to cancel on her, as I’d already invited her to that stupid open mic show.

But I realized that it clearly wasn’t my company she wanted to be in, so there wasn’t really a point in forcing her to spend time with me.

I pulled up her contact and sent another text.

**Me: Never mind. I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while. Sorry for bothering you.**

Once it delivered, I turned off my phone. No point in waiting for a response.

I tossed my phone onto the couch and picked up my laptop, heading into my office and starting a new video.

“Hey guys,” I said as cheerfully as possible, knowing it was entirely a façade.

“I know I’ve been absent for a while, and I also know you guys need to know the truth about what happened with me and Amy.”

It took far too long to go through the whole spiel, but then again, we’d been friends with benefits for almost three years and we’d full-on dated for a year and a half. The fans didn’t know we’d been friends with benefits, but I figured that didn’t need to be aired out for the entire internet to see.

“Long story short, we really just aren’t good for each other,” I said as I started wrapping up the video. “I still wish her the best in life and love, but our paths need to separate for us to be our best selves.”

“And as for my best friend y/n, we aren’t dating. I don’t think we ever will,” I said with a laugh. “We’re one of those friendships that is good where it is, and we don’t feel the need to do anything else. So, thanks for listening to my pathetic excuse for a life. I’ll be back with regular videos within a week. Thank you, guys, so much for watching, and as always, I’ll see you in the next one. Buh-bye!”

I switched off the camera. I made sure all the footage had been recorded before setting everything up to start editing. Then I switched everything off and headed to bed, too drained to finish what I wouldn’t post until the next day anyway.

Leaving my phone abandoned on the couch in my living room, I fell into a sleep that shouldn’t have been anywhere near as deep as it ended up being.

~

I didn’t touch my phone for two days. It laid there, turned off and untouched for over forty-eight hours. I tweeted twice from my laptop and steered clear of every other social media. I muted y/n’s account and uploaded my video about my breakup, before settling in to record other videos that I could stockpile while I planned my vacation.

It didn’t cost nearly as much as I thought it would to fly to Hawaii from LA for a week, especially for a flight leaving 6 hours from when I was booking the tickets. I felt a weird sense of peace washing over me as I received the ticket confirmations.

In the next two hours, I packed my bags, loaded up my car, and left for the airport, hoping a week in Hawaii could clear my head and at least begin to heal my heart.

I didn’t switch on my phone until I landed, and I opened y/n’s text and closed the app again.

I received way too many notifications in ten minutes, and I ignored every single one of them. I uploaded one photo of my view from the hotel I got last-minute, and climbed into the hotel bed and fell asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys my fiancé found my other markiplier fanfiction and he's going to FUCKING READ IT. not that i have anything to hide but like the idea of knowing that the people i know are reading the absolute pile of shit that i put out is just sort of embarrassing lmao. 
> 
> anyway, i told y'all i was gonna start some drama. this is gonna be the slowest burning slow burn i've ever written. that's all.
> 
> i hope you're enjoying the story! i'm trying to make it good, haha.


	16. Losing Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark get into it about his ignoring you again, and it ends a little differently than expected.

(Y/N’s POV)

It had been almost a week since I’d heard from Mark directly, and four days since he’d posted about being in Hawaii. It was super weird to see that he was randomly in an entirely different state after asking about (and then cancelling) plans for an open mic night. I’d texted twice but had been left on read each time. Even when I just asked how Hawaii was treating him.

I began to worry he was trying to ghost me again, but I distracted myself with the giant amount of work I had to get done in my workweek. 

By the time Friday rolled around, Mark’s story showed him back in LA, so I decided to try going down to his apartment and talking to him face-to-face.

I knocked two different times before the door swung open. Mark didn’t look up and see it was me at first, as he was thumbing through a few bills in his wallet.

“You can keep all the change,” he mumbled before looking up. “I—y/n?”

“Hey,” I said meekly, smiling shyly.

“You’re not the pizza guy, are you?”

“No,” I said slowly, “but I was still hoping—”

The door was already shut.

I stood there for a second, dumbfounded. I had no clue why Mark was being this way, we hadn’t even gotten in an argument (that I knew of, anyway). 

I knocked again.

I knocked four more times with no response, before finally putting my foot down. 

“Mark Edward, I swear to God, you are the _biggest_ baby,” I yelled before pivoting on my heel and stalking back towards my apartment.

I heard the door fling open behind me, but this time I ignored it until I heard Mark’s voice.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to be a baby if people I didn’t think my friends talked so much shit about me behind my back!” he shouted.

I whipped back around, surprised by the mixture of hurt and anger in his eyes. “First of all, quiet the fuck down,” I snapped. “You and I are not the only people living on this floor. Secondly, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?”

“You’re going to act like you have no idea what you said about me?” Mark asked. “Why I cancelled after inviting you out to an open mic night?”

I ran my hands through my hair, completely at a loss. “Mark, I have no clue what I said about you,” I pleaded. “I haven’t said anything bad about you since you came back into my life.”

Mark shook his head, folding his arms as he glared at me. “So, you have nothing to say about calling me pretentious? Or saying that I disappeared off the face of the earth, but that now I’m liking all your shit and trying to be friends again?”

I threw my hands up into the air. “Mark, you’ve completely lost me.”

“You butt-dialed me,” he finally said, exasperated. “Two weeks ago. Right before I left for Hawaii. You were talking to someone, and I don’t know who it was. You were talking about me being pretentious, and about how it was such a joke that I thought we’d ever be more than friends, I don’t even fucking remember. It just hurt, a lot, and I felt like you were just pretending to be my friend again and I thought it would be better for both of us if I left you alone.”

Realization dawned, and I felt horrible, but also upset. I hadn’t been talking about Mark at all, but Mark had also made presumptions that really wrecked both of us.

“Mark, I was talking about a guy I dated two years ago,” I said indignantly. “You had to have come in on entirely the wrong part of the conversation. We broke up because he ghosted me. For like a year and a half. Just quit talking to me. That was our whole breakup. He popped back up after I moved here, thinking we could rekindle shit, and I told him no, so now he’s trying to be friends when I want nothing to do with him.”

Mark stood there, seemingly speechless. I folded my arms in response, looking at him as he formulated his own.

“I…why didn’t you say so?” he asked finally.

“Because I didn’t know you were upset at all, let alone with me. I thought you were trying to just ghost me again and I wasn’t willing to let it happen,” I said with a shrug. “But I can’t talk to you if all you’re going to do is ignore me.”

Mark’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I should’ve talked to you first.”

“Yeah, you really should’ve,” I snapped. I turned around again and headed into my own apartment, but Mark followed me before I could get the door shut.

“Please, y/n, can we start over?” he begged, standing in the doorway but seemingly refusing to come farther in. 

“Again, Mark?” I asked incredulously. “Yet another whole second-chance scenario?”

I stopped and rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be this harsh to you. It’s partially my fault for talking badly about someone behind their back. That never works out for my benefit, clearly.”

I sighed, and Mark leaned against the doorframe. “How about a date then, since we’re so horrendously bad at being friends?” he asked with a smile.

I shot him a semi-playful glare, although everything in me wanted to agree.

“Fine,” I agreed finally. “Completely clean slate, and a date this evening. Pick me up at seven.”

Mark tried to hide the surprise on his face, but it was pretty clear he hadn’t expected me to agree with his idea.

He stood up from his stance leaning on the doorframe, trying to appear like he’d been expecting the answer I’d surprised myself by giving.

“Sure thing,” he said, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles on his shirt. “Seven o’ clock, I’ll be back here for you.”

He tipped his imaginary hat, and then he was gone. 

(Mark’s POV)

I hadn’t expected her to agree to that. I’d been half-joking myself, mainly because I knew she was going to say no. And then she didn’t.

So now I had about four hours to plan a date and get back to y/n to pick her up for it.

I hadn’t gone on a really fancy date since moving here, which said a lot, since I’d been with Amy for as long as I had. Which meant my lack of knowledge regarding upscale restaurants and fancier date activities was not helpful to me in this current situation.

Especially since y/n was someone I wanted to impress. I hadn’t cared nearly as much as I should have about Amy and her opinions, which is why we didn’t ever go anywhere big and fancy and expensive. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend money on Amy, it was that we didn’t care enough about each other to do anything special. Which is kinda sad now that I’m talking about it, but it didn’t matter to us at the time.

I looked up restaurants in the area and called up the highest-rated one that I’d found.

“Hi, thank you for calling Faith and Flower, how can I help you?”

“Do you have any openings for this evening?” I asked hopefully.

“You’re in luck, sir,” the receptionist said cheerfully. “Our eight o’ clock cancelled this evening. Would you like to take that slot?”

“Sure, that’d be great,” I agreed. “It’ll be a party of two, for Fischbach.”

“Sure thing, I’ve got Fischbach down for eight,” she responded. “We’ll see you then!”

“Thank you!” I said, before we both hung up.

I wrung my hands together as I tried to formulate a to-do list in my head. I needed an outfit, I needed to plan an after-dinner activity, and I definitely needed to show up with flowers. This was a clean slate opportunity, I wasn’t about to screw this up.

I spent the next hour and a half preparing my own appearance. I set aside the suit I planned to wear and trimmed up my beard. I took half an hour just going to the store and picking out the flowers. I wanted them to be perfect, so I had no shame in texting Bob to figure out if y/n’s favorite flowers were still daises and sunflowers.

By 6:30, my palms were starting to sweat. I had already showered, and my hair was nicely combed back, with just enough cologne spritzed on me.

My hands started shaking around 6:45, and I struggled to tie my tie correctly. I managed to figure it out by 6:50, which was more of a relief than I was willing to admit.

I pulled the flower bouquet together and knocked on her door at precisely seven o’ clock, rocking on the balls of my feet as I waited for her to answer.

Finally, she did, and when the entirety of _her_ met my eyes, my knees almost gave out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for like 5,000 years, it's been rough with tests and homework and schoolwork and work!!!! i am not getting enough sleep and it is showing!
> 
> i tried to have Content though. and a cliffhanger. but don't worry, chapter 17 is on the way, i've already started it. :)
> 
> enjoy!


	17. The One with the Date That Wasn’t Supposed to Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark go on a date that wasn't ever intended to actually happen.

(Mark’s POV)

I couldn’t believe how pretty she looked. Her green dress made her eyes sparkle, and her hair was styled into a neat bun on top of her head. She smiled as I handed her the flowers, her smile making her impossibly more stunning.

“You remembered my favorites,” she said softly, twirling around to find a vase in her kitchen.

She placed them in a vase and grabbed her purse, smiling at me again as she shouldered the bag.

“You ready?” I asked, pulling my keys out of my pocket.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she responded. 

We headed down to the parking lot, and I opened the door for her to step into my car.

Our drive to the restaurant was quiet, but not in an awkward way.

We pulled up to the restaurant, and y/n smiled again. “Remember when our group went to that fancy restaurant right before junior prom and only ordered appetizers because our parents had only given us like twenty bucks apiece?”

I laughed, the memory refreshing itself in my mind. “They were so pissed, but I think we made up for it by leaving the waitress like a $45 tip.”

Y/N nodded, chuckling. “And Lydia spent like 15 minutes in the bathroom scrubbing Coke out of her dress too, I remember she was almost crying.”

I nodded, opening the door to the restaurant. “Well, we’ll be able to order a bit more than appetizers this time, don’t worry.”

Y/N tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked up at me. “I was going to anyway,” she said, elbowing me playfully.

We were seated almost as soon as we walked in, and the lighting made y/n look so pretty, I could hardly take my eyes off her.

(Y/N’s POV)

Mark looked great. This sort of thing had been exactly what I wanted from him ever since my sophomore year of high school.

And yet, I was still so scared.

It was pretty clear that Mark could drop people he was far away from at the drop of a hat. What if he decided to move back to Cincinnati while I was stuck in LA for my job? Would he just drop me all over again? I couldn’t take something like that after experiencing what it was like to really be _his_. 

Our food came quickly, especially for it being a Friday night. We ate mostly in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. I was thankful for this, as I’d been incredibly hungry and didn’t want to find myself talking incessantly and not eating anything.

After we’d finished our dinner, Mark whisked me outside, where it was now dark. “Do you wanna go back to the cliff where we watched the sunset a few weeks ago, or do you just wanna go home?”

I thought for a moment before looking up at Mark. “Let’s go back to the cliff,” I said with a smile. “That did us good the first time.”

Mark nodded, helping me back into the car.

We made small talk for the ride over, and although it was already dark when we got to the lookout, being able to see all the stars made it all worth it.

Mark turned to me after he turned the car off, a thoughtful look in his eyes.

“So…what is this, y/n?” he asked quietly, as if he was trying to keep me from hearing his question.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, this was a whole date, but I know you just wanted to be friends again, but at the same time, you’re the one who agreed to make this a date.”

“I know,” I said, sitting back in my seat. “And I honestly wasn’t expecting you to just ask me on a date like that. This isn’t how I envisioned my evening panning out.”

“You aren’t, like, regretful, are you?” he asked, worry in his eyes.

“No, no, of course not,” I said quietly. “I think I’m just scared.”

“Of what?” Mark asked. Then his eyes widened. “Are you scared of me? Is this because of Alex? Y/N, I’m—”

“Chill, Mark, this has nothing to do with Alex,” I quickly, holding up a hand. “If you’d let me speak, you’d be able to figure out the truth.”

He sat back in his seat, but there was still concern evident in his brown eyes.

“This right here,” I said, motioning between the two of us, “is everything I’ve wanted since my sophomore year of high school. God, Mark, the amount of times I wrote “Mrs. y/n Fischbach in my notebooks in class was ungodly. I still don’t know how you didn’t know I liked you.”

“Well, I mean, we were best friends, I probably just assumed we were close friends,” Mark responded with a smile.

I rolled my eyes. “_Anyway_, senior year rolled around, and I was still into you, but I had kind of forced myself to move on a little bit. That’s why I brought Hunter Thatch to prom with us that year.”

“God, I had literally planned on asking you the next day,” Mark groaned. “Stupid fucking Hunter swooping in to take you away.”

I laughed. “Well, the end of senior year came up, and we all stayed over at your place for what was essentially your goodbye party, even though I didn’t realize the weight that carried at the time. And then you told me how you felt, and you kissed me, and I felt like everything was right in the world, even though you were moving two thousand miles and two time zones away. Then you actually left, and I didn’t hear from you for four years.”

Mark sighed, opening his mouth to speak, but I kept going.

“I think the reason I’m scared is because you told me I was your best friend and that you were in love with me, and then you proceeded to drop me like I was a rock that had been in your shoe for too long. It wasn’t even that you left, really, it was that you never said goodbye. You never gave any sort of hint that you were going to leave all your Cincinnati friends behind completely. I think I’m just scared that the possibility of you doing something like that again is always, always there, no matter how many times you promise that it isn’t on the table anymore.”

I sat back after I stopped talking, watching Mark for any sort of reaction.

“I’m sorry, y/n,” he said after a few moments. A few seconds of silence hung in between us like a palpable weight, but then he started speaking again.

“I was scared,” he admitted. “I was scared that the long distance would get to one or both of us and that I would lose you after barely getting to have you. After everything that happened with Julia in junior year, I think I was scared to have my heart broken by someone who actually meant something to me.”

I nodded. Julia was pretty unforgettable. She and Mark had been attached at the hip for a solid eight months, and when it was found out she’d been cheating on him with the literal janitor for four months, he’d taken it really hard.

“And I know this is stupid and cliché, but I figured that if I hurt myself by just cutting you off first, it wouldn’t get to the point where I was hurt even more by our inevitable breakup. It was really hard at first, because there were really lonely nights where all I wanted to do was Skype you and complain about how shitty life in LA had become. Then Amy and I were a thing for way too long, and we broke up partially because we just weren’t good for each other, at all. But I’d also started trying to get back into your life, and I didn’t want her to screw that up, even though she kinda did for a bit there.”

Mark made eye contact with me finally, running a hand over his hair. “I guess we’re both scared,” he said after another beat of silence. “But bravery isn’t the absence of fear. It’s doing the thing you’re scared of doing despite being scared to do it.”

I looked at him. I knew he was right, but that didn’t make me any less scared. But I knew that the longer I put this off, the more difficult it would be to get into anything with him.

I sighed. “Alright.”

“I—what?”

“I said alright. Let’s give this ‘us’ thing a shot.”

Mark’s eyes lit up. “You’re serious? You want to?”

“I never didn’t want to,” I responded. “But now I’m letting myself take a chance. You’ve only got one chance, though, Mark. I’m serious.”

Mark shot up straight in his seat, nodding fiercely. “I—okay. Thank you y/n, oh my God.”

I chuckled as he looked back over at me, his eyes still lit up. “I can’t believe it.”

He shook his head a little, reaching over to take my hand. “In that case, y/n…will you be my girlfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm on spring break right now so hopefully i'll be able to post another chapter before i go back to campus. schoolwork is kicking my ASS this semester. i know this one's kind of short, but it felt right to end it where it ended.
> 
> but i'm still going to start trying to post one chapter every sunday. it won't always be at the same time, but i'm gonna try to make sunday my posting day. i've got the next couple chapters written in my head, at least how they're gonna go. so hopefully this story won't take a year and a half to finish the way Stranger Danger did.
> 
> speaking of, y'all should go read that story too. it's the first one i've ever completed and to be honest i'm kind of proud of it.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys like this story! i'm thinking of starting a story series once this one's finished. i don't know if it'll still be Markiplier, though. it probably will be.


	18. The One After the Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark go back to your apartment after your date ends.

(Y/N’s POV)

I smiled brightly up at Mark, feeling my face warm. “I’d love nothing more, Mr. Fischbach.”

His face lit up, and the smile he had on his face couldn’t have been bigger if he’d tried.

“God, y/n, you’re so amazing,” he breathed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t deserve this at all.”

I smiled, leaning into his touch. “Then work until you believe you do,” I said softly.

His eyes started to glisten, but he quickly looked away. “Are you ready to get home?” he asked, blinking a little too quickly.

I glanced at the clock, surprised to realize it was past eleven. “That’s probably for the best,” I said with a chuckle.

Mark smiled, turning the car back on. “Then allow me to escort you.”

The ride back to our apartment building was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. The music coming through his car’s stereo was soft and enjoyable, fitting the mood of both of us just right.

We rode the elevator to floor fifteen hand-in-hand, my head resting on his shoulder. 

We didn’t speak until we reached my door, and I realized I wasn’t ready for my evening with Mark to be over.

“Do you wanna come inside?” I asked tentatively, and he looked directly in my eyes.

“Sure,” he said nonchalantly. “I could use some tea if you’ve got some.”

“Chamomile, green tea, or raspberry,” I informed him, and he smiled.

“Still haven’t grown out of your love for raspberry tea, I see.”

I made a face at him as I unlocked my door. “It’s the only valid kind, I’ve only got chamomile for a sore throat and green tea in case someone wanted options.”

Mark rolled his eyes, but his smile never wavered. “I’ll take chamomile, please.”

I nodded, setting two pots on my stove and filling both with water. As I set them on the burners and waited for them to boil, I turned back to Mark.

“I’m gonna go change, if that’s cool,” I said, poking a thumb in the direction of my bedroom.

“Why do you need my permission to change your clothes?” Mark asked with a chuckle. “Go, I can watch your water.”

I smiled, ducking into my bedroom. 

I let my hair down, running my fingers through the ‘curls’ that had already decided to stick around despite my bun only being in for a few hours. I quickly pulled on a t-shirt and leggings, nearly skipping back out to the kitchen.

Mark turned around and smiled at me as I reentered the kitchen. “Man, I feel overdressed now,” he said with a laugh.

“You can go home and change while I get the tea finished up,” I offered, and he nodded, taking his tie off. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Less than five minutes later, he was back in my kitchen, a long-sleeved t-shirt and basketball shorts on. Just as the kettle started screaming at me to get it off the heat.

“Good timing,” I quipped with a smile. Mark ran a hand through his hair, messing up the previously combed-back locks of jet-black hair in a way that should not have been legal.

I forced myself to avert my gaze as I poured the tea into two mugs. I handed Mark his mug, and he looked back up at me with a big grin on his face.

“Just like the good old days,” he said appreciatively, before taking a big drink of the tea. He swallowed quickly, his eyes shooting open wide as he blew out a big breath.

“That’s hot!” he exclaimed, and I laughed.

“Fresh out the kettle, there, Mark.”

Two hours passed in the blink of an eye, and Mark and I found ourselves lying on the couch, watching Netflix, curled up with each other in a giant, soft blanket. Mark’s arm was around my middle, his hand resting on my other arm.

I rolled towards him just a bit as the movie ended, watching his eyes as he watched the credits start rolling.

He looked down at me, and a smile made its way onto his face as he did. “You see something you like?” he asked jokingly, and I smiled back as I nodded. 

“Sure do,” I quipped with a giggle.

He smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I think I’m gonna head home for the night, if that’s alright with you.”

I sat up slightly, worry clenching my chest. “Why? Is everything alright?”

Mark laughed slightly, looking down at me. “I’m fine, I promise,” he said, his tone genuine. “It’s just the fact that if I stay here much longer I’m going to want to kiss you, and if that happens I’m going to want to take it farther, and you’ve said how many times that you want to take it slow.”

I felt myself blush, both from embarrassment at assuming he was just up and leaving and from the places my brain took me upon hearing his words.

“Well,” I began, sitting up a little more, “what if you kissed me anyway?”

He looked into my eyes, searching for any hint of sarcasm or insincerity. “You’re sure?” he asked slowly, his tone uncertain.

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t,” I told him honestly. Then, before he could respond, I put my hand at the back of his neck and pulled his lips down to meet mine.

His response was immediate, pushing his arm underneath my body and pulling himself up so he was lying on top of me. His hands went to my hips, pulling me closer to him as he pushed himself up to hover over me as he kissed me more fervently.

He pulled away after a few seconds, his lips already beginning to turn darker. “Y/N, are you sure about this? I don’t want you, like, I don’t know, having flashbacks—”

“Relax, Mark,” I said, cutting him off. “I just want to make out for a bit.”

Mark flushed red but nodded. “Right, sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed anything.”

I smiled up at him. “Don’t worry, just kiss me.”

He smiled back, seeming relieved. He leaned back down to kiss me again, and I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him farther into me.

We stayed like that, kissing heavily, for a few more moments before he pulled away. “Y/N, I can’t keep going,” he said. His breaths were short, but his smile was big. “I’m going to get blue balls if I keep this up.”

I laughed, leaning up to plant one final kiss on the tip of his nose. “We should do this more often though,” I quipped.

“Absolutely,” he said with a smile. “I am actually going to head home for the night though. I’m tired and I don’t wanna keep you up either.”

I looked over at the clock, surprised to see it was almost 1 AM. I nodded, watching him get up. I was semi-proud of the fact that I was the cause of the tent I couldn’t help but notice in his pants, and I made a mental note to prepare to let him go further if we actually did do this again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course,” I said with a smile. “See you later, neighbor.”

“See you later,” he said, kissing me one more time.

And though he was gone just a few moments later, I spent the whole rest of the night feeling his lips on my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been...almost 6 months, and I feel horrible.
> 
> my computer went kaput on me and I lost the entirety of this story because I forgot I hadn't backed it up despite having written like 20 chapters on it. so I lost motivation to continue for a really long time. I should've let y'all know, and i'm sorry I didn't.
> 
> i'm going to finish this though! I finished stranger danger and i'll finish this one. 
> 
> I started my sophomore year of college though! so hopefully I can get chapters up on a semi-schedule since i'll be on a legitimate routine of my own again.
> 
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> **ETA: In light of what's been happening to Amy lately, I wanted to reiterate that her character in this story is in NO WAY a reflection of how I feel about her in real life. I believe Amy is beautiful and bright and bubbly and hilarious, and I also can see that Mark loves her with his whole heart. Treating her in the way that that person treated her is absolutely unacceptable and disgusting, and I will not stand for it.**  
**Amy's character in this story is written to create drama and keep the storyline going at what is hopefully a slow-ish burn. It is a FICTIONAL character and a FICTIONAL personality, for a FICTIONAL story that I created for ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. I love Amy in real life and I don't hold any sort of dislike for her whatsoever. To hate her is to hate Mark, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. #stanamyorperish**


	19. Sneaking Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark are spending an evening together when his phone buzzes with a suspicious text from an unknown number.

(Y/N’s POV)

The next week with Mark went so, so well. Out of seven nights, four of them were spent in the same bed with each other, either at my place or his. Most of those nights we’d spent fooling around in bed until I got too uncomfortable to go further or until Mark decided it was cuddle time. 

It had been just over a week together, and it’d been so nice. Friday night rolled around again, and we were sitting in my kitchen eating Chinese takeout and talking like nothing had ever been bad between us.

“I wish we could get the whole group together again,” Mark mused.

“I do too,” I agreed. “There’s got to be a time when we can get everyone out here. Or you and I could go home next time Olivia’s home. Or after she gets discharged, she’s out in what, six months?”

Mark nodded. “It’s been too long.”

I nodded, staying quiet. It was really Mark’s fault we hadn’t been together in years, but I wasn’t going to point that out.

“I know it’s my fault that that’s how things are, but that doesn’t stop me from being apologetic,” he said, almost like he’d read my mind.

I smiled slightly. “Better late than never, I suppose.”

He nodded. “I just worry that everyone back there hates me now, for what I did to you. Bob knows full well how much I was into you back in high school. He still spoke to me after everything, obviously, but he was pretty clearly still on your side.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to lie and say he was wrong, anyway. “He wasn’t happy, but I let it go as much as I could, so he did his best to do the same.”

Mark shrugged. “I didn’t really deserve your forgiveness; I know I didn’t. I still don’t. But I’m selfish enough to let you forgive me and reap the benefits of that.”

I smiled as he leaned in to kiss me again. “Sometimes it hurts less to let go. And besides, it’s not like you haven’t tried to make things up to me. It’s been a while, sure, but it’s never too late to apologize. I’m just grateful you’re actually making an effort.”

Mark smiled, his eyes lighting up just a bit. “I’ll never stop being grateful for you, y/n.”

I smiled again in response, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.

Mark stretched as he stood up. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, I’ve gotta pee. Let’s put on a movie when I get back.”

“I’ll pick it out while you’re in there,” I promised. 

Seconds after he left, his phone buzzed and lit up, a text from a number he didn’t have saved appearing on the screen.

I glanced over at it, expecting an automatic text from a subscription service. But what I actually saw was a bit more surprising.

**213-987-6543: Miss you, sugar. Hope you’ve got more time later, I miss your voice. <3**

I stepped back, a bit in shock. I stood there as a call came through from that number, but I didn’t dare pick it up.

Mark came back a few moments later, confusion clear on his face at the fact that I hadn’t moved from the kitchen.

“You alright, babe?” he asked as he came in. “I thought you were gonna have a movie ready to go.”

“I…your phone buzzed, it’s from an unknown number…but they said they miss you and your voice,” I said slowly, gauging his reaction.

His face only showed further confusion. He came over to pick up his phone, reading the message and seeing the missed call notification.

“Babe, I’ve got no idea who this is,” he said pleadingly. “I’ve never seen this number before in my life.”

I sighed, wrapping my arms around myself. “I—who is it, then?”

“Y/N, I just said I don’t know,” he responded, his voice a little more irritated.

His phone began to ring again, the same number flashing on the screen. He held a finger to his lips as he answered the call. “Hello?”

I couldn’t hear the other person, but the annoyance that filled Mark’s features wasn’t easily missed.

He hung up without saying anything else to whoever was on the other line, opening up his phone and typing something up quickly. He clicked his phone off and slid it into his pocket, ushering me into the living room. “It was a wrong number, baby. I’m sorry to worry you like that. You know I’ve only got eyes for you.”

I nodded, staying quiet. I did know that, deep down. I was just terrified of being dropped out of the blue all over again.

The rest of the night was spent watching TV, despite Mark texting someone constantly throughout the movie.

Once the credits rolled, I turned to Mark, watching his eyes as he turned back to me.

“You alright?” he asked, but I was already on his lap, putting my lips to his.

His hands went up my shirt almost immediately, and I leaned into him, threading my hands through his hair.

His hands came out of my shirt to rest on my hips, pulling them towards his body to get me to rock them back and forth. I obliged a few times, and the groan that came out of Mark’s mouth should’ve been illegal.

His hands went back up my shirt again, and that’s when I pulled away.

“You okay, y/n?” he asked slowly, his lips several shades darker.

“Yeah, I—I’m just a bit uncomfortable with actually going all the way,” I admitted sheepishly. “I thought I could do it if I just powered through—but I’m just not quite there yet.”

Mark took my hands in his, placing them on his chest and placing his hands on top of mine. “Y/N, I will wait to the end of time for you. You know that, right?”

I nodded slowly, even though deep down I felt unsure.

Mark sighed, moving his hands up to cup my face. “I would like nothing more than to make you feel better than anyone’s ever felt,” he said earnestly, his eyes holding no emotion but love. “But it takes two to consent and if you aren’t fully in I won’t be either. I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to do, no matter how much I would want to do it. And don’t ever feel like you have to do anything just because I want to do it. I will respect you, y/n. And I will wait for you as long as I need to.”

I smiled, feeling tears prick the back of my eyes.

“If we never have sex until the day we die, I’ll be okay with that as long as I have you,” he continued, pulling me down so he could kiss my forehead. “Don’t ever feel bad for not wanting to do something. It is your body; I will only enter with permission.”

I giggled at his innuendo and leaned down to kiss his nose. “Thank you, Mark.”

“It’s the least I can do, my love.”

I climbed off his lap as I felt his phone vibrate again, but this time I ignored it.

The events that were to come just a few weeks later, though, would make me realize I really shouldn’t have ignored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! i've got the next chapter up and ready to go too, but i probably won't post it until this weekend or so. i work tonight and i'm putting in my two weeks at my current job (cuz fuck speedway) and i've got my second interview at texas roadhouse on saturday! i'm also lowkey drowning in homework and classes already, and needless to say they weren't kidding when they said sophomore year was the worst.
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this semi-filler chapter. more drama's coming up though, don't you worry ;)


	20. Hell Breaks Loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive at Mark's apartment on what's supposed to be a great day for the two of you--and you find Amy in his apartment.

(Mark’s POV)

Time I spent with y/n felt like a lifetime and no time at all, all at once. Days turned into weeks, though they felt like only hours. I couldn’t believe how well things were going.

But you know what they say, whatever can go wrong will go wrong. And I really, truly should’ve seen it coming.

Saturday dawned bright and early, and I was woken up by someone knocking on my door.

Glancing at the clock, I read 10:47. I had roughly 13 minutes before y/n was supposed to show up, but I couldn’t blame her for coming over early. I was a bit surprised that she was knocking, however, since I’d told her a million times she was totally allowed to use her key and walk on in. We were supposed to be headed to the premiere of a movie she’d both helped animate and voice a character for, she’d been working on it since she arrived in LA and had talked my ear off about it all week.

I rubbed my eyes as I pulled my door open to reveal someone I never expected to see again.

Amy waltzed into my apartment before I could even process that she was in front of me, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she took in her surroundings.

“Wh-what in the _fuck_ are you doing here?” I demanded, finally finding my voice.

Amy turned back to look at me, her smile nothing short of devious. “Isn’t it obvious, Marky?” she said sweetly.

“Believe it or not, _no_,” I snapped back. “I blocked you months ago, what made you think I wanted you to just show up? And why the _fuck_ are you in a bathrobe?”

Amy giggled, making my skin crawl. “Not everything’s about what _you_ want, darling,” she said, scrunching up her nose. “Sometimes it’s about making sure karma gets the ones who deserve it.”

I heard the doorknob turn as she said that, and my heart stopped. This was actually y/n, since she wasn’t knocking, and it felt like everything moved in slow motion as she entered my apartment.

Y/N made eye contact with Amy and froze on the spot. I realized it looked even worse with me wearing nothing but boxers and Amy wearing a literal bathrobe.

“I—what—what’s going on?” y/n demanded, her voice shrill. I knew that meant she was holding back tears, but I had to give her credit for not just running out as she had many times before.

“Y/N, please, it isn’t what it looks like—”

“Then fucking explain!” she shouted, slamming the door behind her as she came all the way into the apartment. “Because it looks pretty damn sketchy!”

“Y/N, this is my fault,” Amy spoke up, and I got hopeful for a second before she opened her mouth to continue. “I should’ve double-checked instead of just believing Mark when he said you two had broken up.”

Y/N’s eyes flashed up to me, an unreadable emotion flickering through them.

“Y/N, no, listen to _me_,” I begged, knowing she was going to explode at any moment. “I don’t _know_ what’s going on.”

“Yes, you do,” Amy crooned, adjusting the fucking bathrobe I knew without a doubt she’d worn on purpose. I held up a hand to shut her up, but y/n shook her head fiercely. “Let her speak,” she snarled.

Amy threw me a smile so sickeningly sweet I wanted to throw up. Then she looked to y/n and proceeded to tear my heart out.

(Y/N’s POV)

Amy sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“I’m sorry, to start,” she said slowly. “Mark told me you two weren’t even speaking to each other.”

Mark opened his mouth to say something, but the glare I shot him cut him off. 

“I had no intention of wrecking anything between you two,” Amy continued. “Mark simply invited me over, and I knew what he wanted, but I thought he was getting that need satisfied by you, so I was pretty surprised to be told you had left the picture.”

I felt tears sting my eyes. Mark had told me just a few nights before he was willing to wait until I was ready. He’d peppered kisses all over my face as I fell asleep in bed next to him, telling me he’d be fine if we never slept together, that it would be okay as long as he got to keep me. But I realized it had all been a lie.

Then I remembered the lingerie I’d stashed in my drawer to surprise him with after the premiere that evening. I immediately felt ten times dumber, and I shrank backwards as Mark stepped towards me.

“I—don’t touch me,” I said quietly, my voice shaky. “I’m going to head home and go to the premiere alone. I think it’d be better if we didn’t talk anymore.”

And before he could respond, I was gone.

(Mark’s POV)

The emotions that were sent swirling through my body were hotter than fire. The pain in my chest intensified both the emptiness y/n’s words had caused and the anger I felt at how Amy had, for no reason, destroyed what I thought had been a beautiful thing I’d been able to start building with y/n.

“How _dare_ you?” I cried, only feeling angrier at her smug face. “You _know_ I haven’t seen you since I blocked you. You _know_ I haven’t spoken to you since you broke up with me. You _knew_ y/n and I were together. How could you stand there and lie to her like that? You destroyed the only good thing that’s happened to me since I fucking moved out here!”

Amy’s eyes flashed with an emotion I wasn’t quick enough to decipher, and her hand reached up to smack me across the face.

“How dare _I_? How dare _you_?” she screeched. “To say she’s the only good thing that’s happened to you since you moved here? How long were we together? You’re going to stand there and tell me you never loved me? You’re going to stand there and tell me I didn’t give my entire life to you? You’re going to stand there and claim I wasn’t the best thing that happened to you? You texted me _all night_ that night I texted you from my new number, and you’re going to claim you’re totally over me? _Really_?”

All I could see was red. My face stung, and I’d never hit a woman, but she was making it difficult to not want to.

“You aren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Amy,” I said through clenched teeth. “If you were, you’d still be with me. I was _miserable_ with you, and you’re too dense to even realize that. I texted you all night because I was _trying_ to get you to back the fuck off. I didn’t want you coming back, and when you couldn’t seem to get that through your head that night, I blocked your new number for a _reason_! You’re just jealous and angry because I don’t want you anymore, and that y/n has everything you lack. Y/N is everything you aren’t, and I’m sick of you acting like you’re allowed to come ruin any of the relationships I have that you aren’t a part of!”

Amy’s mouth fell open, but no words came out.

“Get the fuck out of my apartment,” I snarled. “If I ever see you back here again I will call the police. You aren’t welcome here anymore.”

Amy’s eyes glistened and it looked like she was about to cry, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care at all.

“You have ten seconds,” I reminded her, pulling out my phone.

“If you ever manage to find happiness with that whore, it’ll be a very snowy day in hell,” she snapped. “Word on the street is she’ll open her legs to everyone _but_ you. According to…Alex, is it? I’m fairly sure that’s his name.”

I grabbed her by the bathrobe and brought her close to my face, watching as she immediately paled. I wasn’t going to hurt her, but she had to get my point.

“That man assaulted y/n in her own apartment,” I snarled, my voice lower than I ever remembered it being outside of some videos I’d recorded. “That man spent four months in jail for it. If she doesn’t open her legs to me, that’s her choice. It isn’t for you to judge, and it sure as hell isn’t up to Alex to talk shit about. He isn’t her boyfriend and she is her own woman. Get the _fuck_ out of my apartment and don’t _ever_ call y/n a whore in front of me again.”

I let go of her and she sprinted, becoming a bright pink blur as she ran out of my apartment.

I ran a hand through my hair and realized y/n was still gone. I grabbed the key she’d given me a few days ago and ran over to her place, not even bothering to put more clothes on.

I unlocked her door and called her name as soon as I stepped inside.

She didn’t answer. I looked all through her apartment, but there was no sign of her.

I dropped down onto her couch with a defeated groan, realizing she’d left without me.

I didn’t have any idea how I was going to fix this. The only thing I knew was that I had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you bet ur bottom dollar i've been writing new chapters for this book all weekend to avoid actual homework. algebra is disgusting and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. i've never felt so stupid.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this! again, i love the real amy, i believe she and mark are perfect for each other, and her personality in this book is something i created entirely for entertainment purposes for the readers of this fictitious work. thank you and goodnight.


	21. All the Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you finally come back home after running away from your mark problems. a surprise meets you inside your front door.

(Y/N’s POV)

The next few days were bad. Amelia let me crash in her guest room/office for a few days, so despite still being in the same hall as Mark, I was able to avoid him. 

But I knew eventually I would overstay my welcome. Plus, I had laundry I needed to do. So, after five days, I finally packed up my tiny duffel bag, thanked Amelia again for her undeserved kindness, and shuffled down the hall to my own apartment. 

I opened my door to a small pile of envelopes on my floor. I hadn’t picked up my mail in days, so it would’ve made sense to see a dozen or so items, but there were easily twenty envelopes on my floor.

I picked up a couple of them to realize they were, in fact, all addressed to me—all of them from Mark. 

I nearly dropped it back into the pile, but after looking at it for a few more seconds, my curiosity got the best of me. I picked up the whole pile and set it on my kitchen counter, counting fifteen envelopes in total.

I turned them over and realized they were numbered. Now my curiosity was really piqued, so I lined them all up in order on my dining room table and peeled over envelope number one.

_Dear y/n,_

_I don’t know why I kept these if I’m being honest with you. I never intended to give you these when I originally wrote them._

_Now, I’ve realized that I believe they were always meant to one day make it into your hands._

_I want you to know how much you mean to me, y/n. I swear to you, Amy showed up at my apartment five minutes before you did. I didn’t know she was coming, and I didn’t do anything with her. I don’t know why she did what she did. We broke up months ago, and for her to wait so long to try and ruin what you and I had begun building is possibly the worst thing I’ve ever had to experience._

_I’m so, so sorry, y/n. I never meant to hurt you and I’m sorry that I indirectly did, by not standing up to Amy while you were present._

_Please read letters 2-13 with an open mind. And I hope that once you read letters 14 and 15, you’ll come talk to me. But I’ll understand if you don’t. But I promise I’ve done everything I can to keep Amy gone, short of a restraining order, I suppose. But if she continues to cause either of us problems I will take it to the legal level if I have to. You are worth more to me than money spent on a court case, y/n. Please consider coming back to me._

_Always yours,_

_Mark_

I dropped the piece of paper on the table, watching it float down to land on top of the opened envelope it had come from. My eyes were full of tears, I wasn’t sure how I’d managed to both successfully read the letter and keep from spilling said tears.

I took a breath, blinked out the tears, and picked up envelope number two. I wasn’t sure what would come next, and I also wasn’t entirely sure if I could fully handle it.

Turning over envelope number two, I peeled it open to find almost three full pages of Mark’s old handwriting. Looking at the top of the page, I realized it was dated from the beginning of our senior year of high school.

I was incredibly confused, but, remembering Mark’s request for my open-mindedness, I took a breath and began to read.

_Dear y/n,_

_I don’t know why I’m writing this. You’ll never see it. But I keep hearing that writing feelings out is “therapeutic”, so here’s hoping this helps, I guess._

_I am 100%, head-over-heels, cannot-get-you-out-of-my-head in love with you. And it’s driving me absolutely insane._

_You are literally so beautiful. I spend so much time making shitty jokes in homeroom because seeing you laugh makes getting yelled at by Miss Kohler entirely worth it. God, you’re perfect._

_I wanted to fucking curb stomp Eric Jameson when I heard he stood you up. He’s legitimately lucky he skipped English because I was absolutely planning to call the fucker out._

_I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be getting so angry. I know you don’t like it when I’m super angry._

_Y/N, I’m not kidding when I say you could ask me to do literally anything and I’d do it for you. You’re my best friend, and I am so hopelessly into you. You could ask me to fling myself off of the Empire State Building, and I’d probably fill my tank and set out for New York. _

_I just can’t believe you haven’t noticed any of this. Or that Lydia hasn’t told you. Lydia got me to spill the beans over the summer, and I begged her to let me tell you myself. I was going to confess at my birthday party in June, but Tyler accidentally ruined the moment._

_Do you remember that? I took you to the balcony outside my parents’ room and we talked about the stars for what felt like forever? I looked over at you and started hyping myself up to actually confess. I complimented your hair. You were wearing that super cute blue sundress that makes my day every time I see you in it. _

_I was literally opening my mouth to be like “y/n, I think I’m in love with you” when Tyler yanked the door open and yelled at us to come downstairs for pizza._

_I wanted to throttle him. God, I really did. I never found a good time the rest of the summer. I’m sure there were times when I could’ve, but I wanted it to at least feel similar to the balcony on a star-lit summer night, you know?_

_Fuck, when did I become such a little bitch?_

_Never mind, I don’t actually care. I’ll always be here for you, y/n. I literally don’t care; I will always be willing to be a little bitch for you._

_I hope someday I can grow a pair and actually tell you how I feel. I just hope it doesn’t ruin our friendship, because even if you don’t feel the same, I absolutely still want you in my life._

_I think they were right; this is pretty therapeutic. I already feel better. Maybe I’ll write more letters, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll give them to you once I have all my feelings written down in a more cohesive manner._

_I don’t know. Maybe I’ll give them to Lydia, she won’t chicken out on this shit. I think she’s secretly rooting for us to end up together._

_Until next time, I suppose._

_Forever and always,_

_Mark_

I stopped and reread that letter probably two more times. I hadn’t thought about that blue sundress in years. I managed to keep fitting into it throughout my entire high school career, it had always been my favorite outfit. I usually paired it with black sandal wedges and added a white cardigan on September and October days that were chillier than others.

I placed the letter back into its envelope and laid it carefully on the table. I already knew that I would likely be keeping every single one of these letters, and it would be kind of cruel to just stuff them back in there.

I picked up envelope number three, absentmindedly wondering when this one would be dated from. It ended up being dated from the middle of October, which put it right around homecoming night. 

_Dear y/n,_

_Back to writing letters. I guess I’ll just keep writing them whenever my feelings for you feel like they’re about to get out of control. But I mean, who would want to control their passion for someone as incredible as you? I don’t want to, but I’m not your boyfriend, so I can’t really do much about these things I’m feeling._

_I so wanted to ask you to homecoming. I thought about it, I really did. I had this whole poster idea about “I don’t mean to be graphic, but a designer would think our chemistry was animated because it’s just so perfect” or some dumb shit like that, since, you know, you’re going for a graphic design major once you make it into college._

_It was stupid and not at all clever, but it was the best I could come up with. And like, I thought you would think it was funny. Maybe. I don’t know. And then stupid fucking Hunter Thatch swooping in to ask you to homecoming instead. I guess I’m glad I didn’t spend money on a poster board. But it would’ve been worth it if you’d said yes._

_I know, I know, I should’ve asked like the day tickets went on sale. I got a fucking earful from Lydia about that. Don’t you worry. She’s still pissed I haven’t confessed to you yet. I just…I can’t. I don’t want to mess us up. Sure, I’m super incredibly infatuated with you, but like, we’re also best friends. And I feel like you like everything exactly the way it is. Why would I fuck that up by admitting I have the biggest crush I’ve ever had on anyone in my life, on you?_

_I’m not saying having feelings for you is me screwing up. Like, you’re literally perfect, and obviously every fucking dude in the school can see that. That’s why Hunter asked you to homecoming this year, and why Ryan asked you last year. That’s why you literally had four prom dates you had to choose from for junior prom. _

_I’m going to fucking ask you to prom, I swear to God. It’s senior year. I don’t even care if we just go as friends and nothing else happens, because if I don’t ask you to prom I’ll never get another chance like this and it’ll just be another notch on my board of regrets._

_Shit. I wish I could get over you sometimes, and that I could just be your best friend and that I could feel normal. I don’t know why things have switched up so rapidly. Like, I’ve seen you as, like, a sister for years now. I don’t know why things decided to change up after Abigail and I broke up. Maybe I was just so grateful that you were there for me after she fucked me up, and your love and care got me thinking about what we’d be like together, and I just…liked that? I don’t know._

_All I know is I’m going to ask you to prom. Hopefully, you’ll say yes. You obviously don’t have to, but if I don’t grow a pair and ask you to prom, Lydia will probably cut off my dick. I won’t deserve it if I don’t._

_I love you a lot, y/n. And I know love is a strong word, but I’ve felt this way about you for over a year now, I feel like I can probably call it love._

_I know you’ll never see these. But it’s nice to think about saying that to you anyway._

_Love always,_

_Mark_

I put down the papers and rubbed at my temples. I couldn’t take any more. Not tonight.

Knowing how long Mark had been into me was incredibly eye-opening. I guess I’d figured out he liked me after graduation, but knowing he’d been into me for so long before that really threw me for a loop. I had been into him since the middle of junior year, and finding out I could’ve avoided my whole “situation-ship” with Hunter if Mark had just grown a pair (or if I’d asked him myself) was incredibly jarring.

Picking up the rest of the envelopes, I opened my front door and shuffled two doors down.

I reached my hand up and knocked three times, rocking on the balls of my feet as I waited for an answer.

Mark opened the door, his eyes slightly bloodshot and dark circles under his eyes. His eyes shot open when he saw me, tears staining my face and twelve envelopes still in my hands.

“Y/N, are you—”

“Please let me come in,” I whispered. “I need to talk to you.”

And without a word, he ushered me inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i had such a fun time writing this chapter, actually. flashbacks are always fun to write. and this chapter is over 2,000 words sooooo hopefully that's a plus for you guys too XD
> 
> do you guys want me to write out more of the letters? i know there were fifteen but i felt like just reading a bunch of writing with nothing really happening in the plot would've been super boring. but if you wanna see more letters lemme know! (i might have mark read one to y/n in the next chapter, idk yet.) 
> 
> hope y'all enjoy! i probably won't have another chapter up for a few days, because i have orientation at my new job tomorrow and then i'm gonna go home for the rest of the weekend to see my family and stuff. i'll try to post again next week though!! thanks for commenting and leaving kudos, it means the WORLD to me.


	22. The Beginning (Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get Mark to read you letter number four. The discussion that comes after that is a little deeper than the contents of the letter.

(Y/N’s POV)

Mark pulled me inside without question, leading me in to sit on his couch.

“Are you okay?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes. “Did something happen?”

I sat the letters I hadn’t opened down on my lap, sniffling and looking up at him to gauge his reaction.

The tips of his ears turned red as he forced himself to look away. “Oh…I’m sorry,” he said, moving forward towards me. “I don’t know why I gave those to you—”

I yanked them back towards myself as he made a move to take them from me. “No!” I said suddenly. “I haven’t even read these ones yet.”

“I—what? Why are you crying, then?”

“I read the first three,” I admitted, wiping at my eyes. “I just didn’t want to keep going knowing you were in here alone.”

“What, did you think I’d read them to you or something?”

I perked up a bit at hearing that, a small smile almost getting onto my face. “Well, I mean—"

“Absolutely not, y/n,” he said sternly, though his eyes had lightened. “I draw the line at that. It was humiliating enough to think about you reading them. That shit was years ago.”

“But you…you feel the same way, don’t you?” I asked timidly.

Mark looked up at me, his eyes wide. “What? Of course, y/n, God, even if I could’ve turned those feelings off, I wouldn’t have. You’re literally the only person I’ve stayed around for sometimes—even when we weren’t talking, even when it was my fault we weren’t talking, so much of my life was lived for you it isn’t even funny.”

I smiled wider this time, looking down at my lap, at the pile of unopened envelopes I still had yet to read.

“Are you sure I couldn’t talk you into reading just one of them to me?” I asked, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He sighed heavily, rolling his eyes despite the smile growing on his face.

“_Fine_,” he grumbled playfully, snatching the envelope from where it sat in my outstretched hand.

Peeling it open and pulling it out, he visibly cringed. “Jesus, I was so mad in this one,” he laughed.

“When’s it dated?” I asked.

“The day Hunter asked you to prom,” he said with a sigh.

I snuggled myself deeper into the couch, more than ready to hear his words directly from him.

(Mark’s POV)

I unfolded the letter, noting her eager expression. I’d never admit it to her but seeing how much she was anticipating hearing me read it made my heart flutter.

Clearing my throat and taking a breath, I began to read.

_“Dear y/n,_

_I’m a fucking failure. I swear to God, my plan was to ask you TOMORROW. But Hunter had to have gotten tickets ahead of time. He asked you in second fucking period._

_“Lydia’s gonna be so pissed. She even helped me with the poster board I had ready to ask you._

_“Man, prom is gonna suck now. I don’t even want to ask somebody else, you’re the only one I wanted to take._

_“I was gonna ask if we could go in blue. Like the color of your blue sundress. I had this image of you in a long, sparkly blue prom dress that would match my tie, and your hair was gonna be tied up in that curly ponytail you wanted to but didn’t wear to junior prom. Your mom would buy you new shoes like she does for every school dance, and they probably would’ve been white to go with the dress nicely. I even saved up to rent a limo for our whole friend group. I hope you guys still ride with us. The limo was supposed to be a surprise._

_“Do you even realize how soft I’ve gone for you, y/n? I’m sitting here journaling about what prom dress I think you’d look best in. I’m so hopeless._

_“I just hope I can confess before graduation. My YouTube channel has started to really take off, and I’m thinking about moving to Los Angeles after grad. I don’t want to leave you guys, but it might be for the best. You, Bob, Tyler, and Wade are all going to college here. Bear’s off to Yale, and Lydia’s joining the Navy. This might be a good thing._

_“Of course, I could always try to convince you to apply out here in LA. You’d absolutely get in, you’re smart enough to go anywhere. We could live together off-campus, and if I grow a pair and tell you how I feel about you, and you feel the same way, we could try out being more than friends? If I’m being honest, that’d be the ultimate dream. _

_“I can’t force anything though, obviously. It’s still your choice._

_“You know, this really does feel better. I’m glad I decided to write letters to you even though you’ll never see them. It really has been therapeutic._

_“I’ll write again soon, probably. It’s been rough being in love with you and not having you feel the same, lol._

_“Love always, Mark.”_

I looked back up at y/n as I refolded the letter, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face was blank, but still full of color.

“Y/N?” I asked carefully, reaching for her.

“I did apply to colleges out here,” she breathed. “I applied to UCLA and USC.”

I leaned back, trying to downplay how shocked I truly was. “I—what? Did you get in?”

“Yeah, I got into USC. UCLA waitlisted me, which I really wasn’t surprised by. Their acceptance rate is like, seventeen percent.”

I nodded, my breath still not returning to me. “Well, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, I didn’t know you were planning on leaving for LA, so I went ahead and enrolled here in Cincinnati. When you left, I started seeing what it would cost to transfer and if they’d still let me transfer there for my sophomore year, but once you dropped off the face of the earth, I ditched those plans. I’d made good friends at USC, and I no longer wanted to move to LA for a boy I no longer even spoke to.”

My chest ached at that. I knew I’d fucked up by kicking our friendship to the curb with quite literally no explanation, but I didn’t realize how different things could’ve been for us if I’d just…told Amy I had a girlfriend and tried a long-distance relationship with the girl now sitting at the other end of the couch.

I looked over at her again, and her face was still just as blank. “Can you imagine how different things would be if I’d done that?” she asked quietly.

I could, but I almost didn’t want to. I probably would’ve proposed her junior year, and we could’ve been married right after graduation. I could be sitting on this couch looking at my wife of a few months, rather than a girl I’d barely spoken to over the past four years.

“There’s a strong possibility we’d be married,” she continued, her voice just as soft. “And yet here I am, barely able to look at you.”

My heartbeat was painful in my chest. “I was just thinking the same thing,” I admitted sadly, hanging my head. “If I hadn’t been such a colossal idiot, there’s a chance we’d be living our happily-ever-after by now.”

Y/N sighed, pushing herself up off the couch. “I honestly have so many questions, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Ask me all of them, y/n, please,” I begged, turning around on the couch to make sure she wasn’t leaving—again.

She took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around herself. “You’ll answer them truthfully?” she asked timidly, her eyes sad.

“I have nothing to hide from you,” I told her earnestly.

She blinked twice, then nodded once. “Alright.”

She came back around and sat down again, stretching her arms out in front of herself. I could almost see the gears turning in her head, trying to figure out where she should start.

“Okay, how’s this for an opener?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo! i'm actually updating consistently!
> 
> that will probably be the last letter i write out, unless y'all actually want to read more of them. like i said, there's 15, and i want to advance the plot and not bore you guys to death. so unless i hear differently, that'll be the last letter i write all the way out.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! there might be smut in the upcoming chapters, i'm not sure yet. haven't gotten that far. i'll label it here the same way i labeled all of it in Stranger Danger (which you should check out if you haven't already! it's finished and it's a good pastime while you're waiting for this one to update lmao)
> 
> see you guys again soon! i start at texas roadhouse so between that and school i don't know how much i'll be able to update, but i'll do my best :)


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